Natural Bloggings of a Young Social Worker

I am a writer but.....

2011-09-08T01:24:00.000-04:00

I am a writer. I have always considered myself a writer. If you have been following my blog then you know how much I enjoy, no LOOOOVE writing. Despite my love for the craft I recently had to ask myself this If I am a writer, how come I haven't written anything in so long?? If I am a writer, how come I have not posted anything on my blog in months? Then I had to dig deep and question myself “Stacy, are you really a writer?”

“Stacy, are you really a writer?”

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I began my blog on Thanksgiving of 2009. I have read other blogs and heard about the “blogosphere” but did not know if I wanted to really be a part of it. I initially began this blog as a personal journal. It was meant to just be an overview of my thoughts, feelings, and concerns. Then I began noticing how other “bloggers” were able to really excel off of their blog; book deals, magazines positions, so forth and so forth. In my quest to be the “young professional”, I attempted to do the same thing. I wanted that fame and glory but I did not realize the hard work and consistency it took. You really have to put work in as a writer to be known and get noticed. There are no days when you’re apathetic and think “Oh, I don’t feel like writing today.” If those days exist as a writer you have to get over them. There are no days when you feel “I am so tired… my life is so busy…. I just can’t write today.” My counterparts had this ambition I did not have; or so I thought. Then I aimed to make this blog a collection of my thoughts and feelings but concluded I could also incorporate more social causes and issues. I am a social worker; the title is in the name of the blog so I need to write more about social issues. I accomplished that goal (to the best of my ability). Then I had my ‘Ah-ha’ moment. I realized I was chasing other people’s destiny. I was trying to break into their niche. I was coveting thy neighbor’s stuff.

My purpose when I began writing publicly was never to gain fame or following. I just wanted to share my feelings. Then when Isaw the success of my counterparts (the real bloggers) I wanted to do the same. I wanted to be a relationship, humor, non-profit blogger, and so many more. Sometimes it became overwhelming because I was trying to do what others were doing; yet it just was not right. I realized I did not have my own niche, I was not being authentically StacyAustralia.

In this quest, I had the opportunity to write for 2 other blogs. It is amusing but at that point I felt I had 3 different voices across the blogs. The writings I posted on the first blog were more humorous, something quirky to make you laugh and discuss amongst your friends then carry on with your day. The writings for the other blog were more thought-provoking personal experiences/reflections. Lastly, was my personal blog which was my heart and soul. Even though this blog was my heart and soul, I know I did not do enough to help it reached its maximum capacity. Initially, I was writing blog posts every day. I would write them then have schedule for positing throughout the week. I stay up all night writing and researching things I wanted to write about. It was so many days I watched the sun come up because I was up all night writing. It was just that serious for me. It was everything to me. After much trial and error, I found my niche. My niche is just being StacyAustralia. No one can be me like I can be me. Trying to do what my peers were doing did not work for me. Honestly, I did not care about some of the topics they were writing about, but because of the buzz it had on Twitter or Facebook, I wanted to write about it as well. Seriously, how many times can we talk about the status of young African American male/female relationships? Really?

As I mentioned before, one thing about being a writer- you have to put in your time. This has been one of the biggest obstacles I have struggled with since I had the various life changes over the last year. Sometimes I just do not have the time and/or energy to write. But if I do not take the time to hone my skills or take the time to share how I feel and what I think- how can I call myself a writer? These are my thoughts, my feelings, my words and no one else can write them for me. No one else can jump into my head and write down on paper how I feel. I have to put in the work. It does not matter if I am maintaining my blog, writing a book, starting a side hustle-I MUST PUT IN THE WORK. If I claim this is my dream, my passion, my purpose, my God-given gift then I must treat it as such and commit.

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Within the time I began this blog and the time I became serious about carrying the title ‘writer’, I have had so many opportunities to present myself as one. As mentioned in previous posts, I finally finished writing my book. In October of last year, I decided to write a book. I been a ‘writer’ since I was a child and it was something I always wanted to do. I have written several poems and short stories but never an actual book. I struggled with what I wanted to write about. I decided my first book was going to be a semi-memoir/self-help for young girls and women. I know the experiences I have had throughout my life and the choices I have made both good and bad. I am still editing the book with plans to have it published within the next few months. In addition to this book, I have a poetry book I am working on as well. These are just some of my personal endeavors I am currently working on. I have also had several coworkers and classmates ask me to help them on several projects including editing a self-published book, a dissertation, and cover letters/resumes. As a writer, the opportunities are there for me to write. The opportunities have always been there for me to write. God has continuously given me second, third, and fourth chances to utilize my talent. I cannot emphasize enough how much I love writing. It has been my passion (along with teaching-but that is another post) since I was a child. It is the one thing that brings me happiness and it does not take much work or effort to accomplish it. I am a writer.

Just know that if I am not working on something within my blog, I am working on something behind the scenes (now I need to figure out how to get paid for it….).

I'm writing a book.... Update

2011-07-25T21:31:00.000-04:00

A few months ago I wrote how I was planning on writing a book. In the past few months I struggled with completing it because I really did not know how. The book is a big part of me and who I have become as a woman and I had doubts about sharing it with others. I did not have an issue with sharing it with strangers but sharing it with the people I know and love. The book is based on experiences I had as an adolescent and young adult. I struggled because I did not know (and still do not know) how my friends and family will what I have written. When writing a book based on human experiences albeit non-fiction or fiction it is a chance you will face judgement from those you know. When I decided as a child I wanted to be a writer, I never considered how what I write will affect the people I know and love. I never considered the people I know and love will actually read the book. As a child, I knew I wanted to write and always thought about how my books will affect the lives of people I did not know. I really struggled because I did not want to bring shame and embarrassment to anyone. As I mentioned the book is based on true events. Some events are exaggerated and some are not. These are things I learned and have experienced in my 27 years (almost 28 years of living, my birthday is next Friday).

Opening myself and being vulnerable to those I know has been one of the biggest issues I had in completing this book. Another thing, I struggled with was actually sitting down and finishing it. I began writing it last Fall and stopped for several months. I began writing again after having a pep talk with one of my best friends after having a bad day at work. He said,
"Stacy, if you don't want to continue this lifestyle do something to change it. What happened to you writing a book? finish that. that will open so many doors for you."
When he said this to me, I came home and began formatting the separate sections I had previously completed. I had 90 typed pages!!! My mind was blown. That was my motivation to finish. I had to give myself pep talks,
"Stacy, you've done so much, don't stop now. keep pushing through. your dream is almost a reality."
Despite the pep talk, I still slacked off. Fear of failure. Fear of success. I do not know (and still don't know) what it is but I was scared. At this point I set the book aside AGAIN. Then upon attending a Summer Enrichment class at church and being encouraged by my classmates, I decided to continue. The Fourth of July weekend, I did not have any plans so I sat home and completed my book. I finished the book!! That was the most wonderful feeling. I finished writing my book!! I can not believe it. Now I am in the process of editing. It is a long and tedious process but I am excited. It is something I set my mind on doing and I actually did it. Once I complete the editing process and have an actual book in my hand....

I am just so excited. It has been a long road but I am halfway there. My goal of having a completed manuscript by August 31 is coming true. Once I finish editing the book I will visit Kinko's and get a bounded version before I submitted it to publishers. In regards to that, I am struggling between self-publishing via www.lulu.com or www.createaspace.com or using publishing company of my author friends. This is my first book so I do not want to give up all of my power in the publishing process. I will probably create a website or pay someone to create one so I can appropriately promote my book.

Once again, I am so excited. I have a completed book. I just wanted to share the writing process and the struggles I have had so far. There will be so much more written about this process (the publishing, the promotion, speaking about it etc).

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On Being 'Christian'

2011-06-21T16:50:00.001-04:00

I have been attending church more. I find myself constantly reading my bible. I find
myself praying more. I find myself ONLY listening to the praise station when I am
not listening to my IPod. I find myself doing so many things I did not do before. Nothing traumatic happened in my life where I felt "I need God to help me get thru this..." One day I just decided to go back to church. Nothing big...

I never thought of myself as "Religious". I honestly do not even like the term. Despite my whole-heartedly believing John 3:16, I would never call myself "Christian." I felt society placed too much emphasis on this word and passed over the point. I never wanted to get caught up in the list of what 'Christians can' and 'Christians can not' do:

• "Christians don't listen to rap music"
• "Christians don't have fun"
• "Christians always in church"
• "Christians don't......"
• "Christians do....."

People just seemed to have this preconceived notion of what Christians can' and 'Christians can not' do. I did not want to get involved in the “titles” so I identified as being 'Spiritual'(which I still do but that is not the point of this post....). I felt identifying as 'Spiritual' was a safe spot. For me being “Spiritual” meant I believe in a higher being. I had a connection with a spiritual power that kept me focused, grounded, and humbled. Being ‘Spiritual’ meant I did not have to justify or explain any of my wrong doings. I did not have to explain my mistakes. I did not have to worry how my actions would affect how others may view “Christians.” Calling myself ‘Spiritual’ kept all the explanations and justifications at bay. I never stopped believing in God, I just changed my title. It was easier to identify as being “Spiritual” than saying “I am a Christian” But in Matthew 10:33, Jesus says

"But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven (NIV)"

Perhaps I disowned Jesus and God. I did not feel worthy enough to take on that title. I did not think I was up for the challenge because I was not perfect. And in order to be “Christian” you have to be perfect. Right?

The adage says “Come as you are.” Those 4-words have so much more meaning than what most people realize. It means so much more than your physical appearance. I have seen people use this phrase to justify the clothing they are wearing to church. It is not just come as you are in your “physical appearance” but come as you are in the emotional, mental, and spiritual.

Nobody's perfect!!

If you are waiting on perfection before attending church then you will be

waiting a very long time. I struggled with attending church and getting involved because of perfection. I knew there were many aspects of my life I wanted to improve. I felt I needed to be perfect to attend church. I did not think I was worthy to walk in the House of the Lord knowingly the week before I fornicated (1Corint 6:18); knowing the day before I did not “honor thy father (Exodus 20:12)”; knowing I did not love thy neighbor as I loved myself (Lev. 19:18); knowing I lied (Deut 5:20).

How could I sit in the church and shout and praise when I did these things??
I also felt I was not a true “Christian” because I did not pray, worship, or participate in church the way others did. I did not ‘speak in tongues.’ ‘I did not praise dance. I felt there was no need for me to attend church on a regular to have a sincere relationship with God. I prayed every day. I talked to God every morning as I prepared my day. I read devotionals and spiritual books on a regular. I wrote in my journal as actual letters to God. After doing all of this did I really need to attend church?

As I have grown and mature I realize it is so much more than just going to the ‘House of the Lord’ and sitting there on Sundays. Being a ‘Christian’ is much more than going to church every Sunday. I could go to church every Sunday and still be a horrible person just as I can never go to church and be the best person in the world. Being ‘Christian’ is loving others as you love yourself; abiding by the 10 Commandments; recognizing God is Love & Love is God; and so much more (realize I am knowledgeable of the bible but I have no formal training so I can only provide an overview).

I end this post by sharing I am on a journey for something so much powerful than I have ever seen before. I am clearer on my purpose. I always knew about God but now I know God. Throughout this journey, I realized Christianity is so much more than being perfect.

If you see a fellow Christian back-sliding; do not judge. Do not condemn. Even if you are an atheist or an agnostic and do not believe in God; nobody’s perfect. We all make mistakes. Offer that person some kind words; some encouragement. Reach out a hand. Love one another. No one will ever be perfect. I think the sooner we realized that the faster we can get on with our lives and begin our walk with Jesus. I am a proud Christian but I am also human. I will make mistakes. There maybe days when I knowingly do something wrong just because it is something I want to do. No, that is not right, but I am only human. It is a journey. Christianity is a process.

“If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me”
(Jeremiah 29:13)

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Have I completed those goals......

2011-06-16T02:38:00.000-04:00

~~Write and publish a book~~
Learn how to play guitar
Go horseback riding
~~Begin locking my hair~~ (I did a consultation earlier this month and decided I am going to keep my free standing fro)
Learn how to swim
Apply to a PhD program
~~Obtain a job in SW field utilizing the skills I've learned~~
Fall in love (mutual love- relationship)
Decrease my meat intake
Speak publicly
Answer my phone when it rings (I really do not like talking on the phone)
~~Increase my income by 135% ( I did the math, it's really not that much-believe me)~~
Begin exercising again (especially yoga and Zumba)
~~Really work on a side hustle~~
Volunteer more
Date more (variety of men)

As you can see many of these things are still on my list to be crossed off for the year.
It's only mid-year so I have enough time to complete some of the other goals. Stay tuned to learn more about my book. The goal is to have it published before end of summer!!

I'm back....

Work/life balance in full effect

Goals for 2011

2010-12-31T09:00:00.002-05:00

This is the last day of 2010. The last day of the new millennium. It has been a very interesting year for me. I graduated with my Masters of Social Work. I was cheated on. My love (not the one who cheated) came back into my life and left and came back (and left). I fussed and fought with my parents. I struggled financially. I moved to a new city/new state. I did some other things....

As I reflect on what I did or didn't do in 2010, I know I want to do more next year. A new year, a new life, new look, new love, new goals, new everything. Below is a list of the things I want to do in 2011. I don't believe in resolutions. I do goals because they seem more attainable and less disappointing if I don't succeed..

Write and publish a book
Learn how to play guitar
Go horseback riding
~~Begin locking my hair~~ (I did a consultation earlier this month and decided I am going to keep my free standing fro)
Learn how to swim
Apply to a PhD program
Obtain a job in SW field utilizing the skills I've learned
Fall in love (mutual love- relationship)
Decrease my meat intake
Speak publicly
Answer my phone when it rings (I really do not like talking on the phone)
Increase my income by 135% ( I did the math, it's really not that much-believe me)
Begin exercising again (especially yoga and Zumba)
Really work on a side hustle
Volunteer more
Date more (variety of men)

These are some of the goals I have. ALL are attainable. I hope all of you are ready for the New Year. Leave the old stuff behind if it is not helping you get to that next level. Sadly, I have some people I need to leave behind. As I always say "I love me, more than I can ever love you".

Anyways, I hope you all have a good year!! Enjoy yourself.

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I'm a nerd...

2010-12-18T15:06:00.001-05:00

These are the books I will finish the year out reading. You can add "A lesson before dying" to the stack. I happened to leave that one in the car. I have to give a shoutout and show some love to my Twitter friends who recommended some of these books. Thanks.

I'm working on a post now about "72 Hour Hold" by Bebe Moore Campbell. Despite being fiction, this book demonstrated the realities of having a family member with a mental illness.

Well, back to my reading.

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"Just like Music...."

2010-12-16T12:23:00.000-05:00

'Music is my heart and soul, more precious than gold'
Marvin Gaye "Just Like Music"

Music is my partner that touches my soul from the inside out and gives me all the love I need and deserve. If I can’t depend on anyone else I can depend on my partner called music to calm my spirit, touch my soul, and ease my pain.

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I don’t know when I fell in love with music but I know I was young. I remember being in my early years and being with my aunt, my brother, and my older cousins as they would listen to New Edition, Keith Sweat, Debarge, Anita Baker and so many other groups. I remember riding in the car with my mom as she always kept Dianna Ross in rotation.

Ironically, I didn’t come from a musical family. No one were gospel stars or aspiring R&B singers. They just enjoyed music and because of that I fell in love with music.

As I grew older some of my artists of choice were Hi-Five, Janet Jackson, Whitney Houston, Tony Toni Tone, and Mint Condition, Xscape, Brian McKnight and R. Kelly. These groups continued to follow me into middle school and high school where I was introduced to so many more; Aaliyah, Avant, Destiny’s Child, D’angelo, Lauryn Hill, Jill Scott, India.Arie, and many many more.

If you haven’t notice by now I love R&B. These songs, these artists all did something for me. In elementary school, I recall my friends and I having ‘singing contest.’ I think every young black girl (in my age cohort) at one time sang one of these 3 songs ‘Understanding’ by Xscape; ‘Weak’ by SWV, or ‘Superwoman’ by Karyn White. That was it. Hanging out on the playground during recess in your little groups singing songs. Those were the days…

‘What I need from you is understanding

How can we communicate,

If you don’t hear what I say…’

Xscape

‘I don’t know what it is that you’ve done to me

But it caused me to act in such a crazy way

Whatever it is that you do when you do what you do to me

It’s a feeling that I want to change…’

SWV

‘Early in the morning, I put breakfast on your table

And make sure that your coffee has its sugar and cream…’

Karyn White

I can’t sing at all but you couldn’t tell me that when I was growing up. I thought I was the next Whitney Houston. Music would fill my soul and I would just open my mouth and let it all come out no matter how bad I sound.

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Being on the band didn’t help my love affair with music. In 6^th grade I audition to play the saxophone. I wanted to be like Kenny G. At that young age, I knew the sax was sensual and sexual and that’s what I wanted to play. I was mad when I incapable of blowing on the mouth piece correctly (no pun intended) but I was skilled and patting out beats. I never pictured myself a drummer but in 6^th grade I became one. If I knew then what I know now I would have taken it more seriously throughout middle school and high school. Playing the drums were a guy thing so I didn’t engage like I should have but now I’m thinking damn.

1998, 'Ex-factor' single by Lauryn Hill came out. I was 15 and a sophomore in high school. That was one of those songs that change my life. I was going through some boy problems and that song kept me sane.

When I was a young child EVERYTHING Hi-Five came out with I love. I was in love with the lead singer Tony Thompson (RIP) but I fell in love with music.

There were some songs and videos I was like Urrr (Scooby Doo voice). Dru Hill’s 'In My Bed' caught me off guard. I was 14 or 15 when it came out. I remember sitting watching TV after school and the video came on. I was a pretty smart young girl so I thought I knew where the video was going but I was wrong. I was not expecting the two women at the end of the video. I was like Damn!! Where dey do that at?? But I was young and homosexuality was prevalent but it wasn’t out like that.

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I remember when Erykah Badu stepped on the scene. I was in middle school there and all her music went over my head. However, I felt like it was something profound and deep. I am sad to say that a lot of her songs didn’t register with me until many years later.

Speaking of Cash Money, I loved them so much that I wanted to be the first female rapper on their record label. I was a writer when I was younger and I use to write raps. I wanted to be a combo of Lauryn Hill and Lil’ Kim. I thought I was hardcore. I use to freestyle at some of the random times. I wanted to be on the mic. I guess that sparked my interest in spoken word poetry and my love for performing in the spotlight.

My coming of age album was Destiny’s Child ‘Writings on the Wall’ from beginning to end I could relate. I was 14 when Destiny’s child came out they were 16/17 and EVERYTHING they said I could relate to. I would listen to the album each morning before school and after school. It was just that serious for me. So when the group broke up, I took it personal and refused to listen to the album and the one that came out next ‘Survivor’. It was almost like a slap in my face. How could you do this?? How dare you?? We were friends and how could you betray me like this was my thought process. But these girls didn’t personally know me but I felt they did. Each and every last song reflected something I was going through in high school.

When Beyonce went solo she became my best friend. ‘Dangerously in Love’ will always be her best cd. I know a lot of you favor her newer albums but ‘Dangerously in Love’ is it for me. I was a young woman as she when it came out and it was just it. From beginning to end. The single ‘Dangerously in Love’ speaks for itself. The lyrics…

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Baby I love you, you are my life

The happiest moments weren't complete if you weren't by my side

You're my relation and connection to the sun with you next to me

There's no darkness I can't overcome you are the raindrops

I am the seed with you and God, who's the sunlight

I'll bloom and grow so beautifully baby I'm so proud

Proud to be your girl you make the confusion

Go all away from this cold and messed up world”

What?! 'I am the seed, with you and God who’s the sunlight I’ll bloom and grow so beautifully’ What?! That’s deep. I remember her performing this song at an awards show and I was so overwhelmed I cried. I could feel the love she felt when she was singing the song.

I remember when I fell in love (well one of the early times-before I knew what love really was). 112’s ‘Cupid’. Each time I hear that song as an adult it takes me back to that simple time in my life. When all I had to do was go to school, get good grades, and don’t get pregnant (that’s my momma). I miss those days.

I never knew what ‘Moments of Love’ was by Art of Noise but each time I heard the beat I would be mesmerize. It’s absolutely no words but it was just awesome and also ‘Summer Madness’ by Kool and the Gang. I remember hearing this song during the summer on the quiet storms. It made my young body do things I was unaware of but I loved it.

My first cd was Monica’s “Miss Thang” I think that’s why I love Monica so much now. I feel she grew as I grew. What she was singing about at each developmental stage was what I was going through in some shape, form, or fashion. Heartbreak; being the other woman; holding a dude down… the regular ins and outs of being a young woman.

But I not only love the songs that came out when I was a teen, I can take it back to the ‘old skool’ and list songs I love then that I love now. Isley Brothers still do it for me. Teddy Pendergrass. Betty White. Marvin Gay. All the groups; Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes, Delfonics, The Dramatics, The Stylistics, on and on the list goes.

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True I love R&B but I can’t write a post about my love for music without including Rap& Hip/Hop. When I was growing up in the 90’s there weren’t a lot of southern rappers. Now we are overwhelmed with southern rappers, which I love because I was born and raised in the south. Growing up a lot of the rappers I listened to were West Coast or NY. I remember when that beef was going on. But while they were beefing my ‘homeboys’ came by and stole the music scene IMO. Outkast, Ludacris, T.I. and so many more. I guess I love my southern rappers because it’s fun. They always have club bangers. Even though Outkast came out when I was in middle school Ludacris came about when I was at the end of my high school years and T.I came after I was in college. NOTHING makes me feel as good as my southern rappers. I know I didn’t name everybody but I love my southern rappers. I just have to give a shout out to my Ludacris; he’s my favorite rapper hands down. That “What’s your fantasy” came out when I was a senior in high school. I remember I was a cheerleader and my homegirl and I (who also was a cheerleader) would head to her house for an hour or so before the game- watch videos and then go back to school and prepare for the game. All of Ludacris’ song would get us crunk for the game.

I don’t know when Neo-soul hit the scene but it took me to another level. Just to hear that smooth R&B with a nice jazz feel. That took me to my element. From watching these beautiful artists, helped me to find myself. I knew I was stuck in doing what others wanted me to do and what others wanted me to be but they made me want to strive for more. But despite these revelations I was young and dumb and still went with the norm. But to see all these beautiful afrocentric artists rocking there fro’s, locks, their eccentric and eclectic blew my mind. I wasn’t aware of their impact until I was older. When Musiq Soulchild sung about “Love” not as a verb but as a noun! Or when India.Arie made the statement “I’m not the average girl from your video” or “ I am not my hair” or the love she felt for the man with the “Brown skin” I have never loved my brothers and sisters as much as I did then. Or when Erykah Badu sung “I guess I’ll see you next life time”…. #Blacklove is awesome.

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I love music. I have this love affair that I cannot shake with music. No matter what songs come out that I may deem garbage, I know I still have the songs from my youth (and some of the songs from my adult years).

It’s this indescribable love that I am trying so hard to put into words but I can’t. What I feel for music is more than I could possibly (strong possibly) feel for another human being. Even if a song disappoints me I know I can go back and find something with the same concept to lift me up.

Music is the one thing that I can always depend on no matter what I am going through in my life. It has always been there for me and has never let me down. It is the one thing that understand EVERYTHING I am going through, feeling, thinking, considering, pondering, loving, hating, and many more.

I know I did not include everybody I love in this post so I may eventually do a part 2 of my love for music. But I love music so much I had to write about it. It’s my love and has been there since I was child and really have been the only consistent relationship (outside of my parents- and that has been shaky at times) I have had.

“The thought of my love for music sometimes makes me wanna cry”

(ha did you get that reference??)

Are you carrying to many bags??

2010-12-13T09:00:00.002-05:00

The other day I was in the mood for some Erykah Badu. I went to YouTube and saw "Bag Lady." I have no reason why but this song was on my heart. According to Wikipedia, the song came out in 2000 (this sounds about right to me). I was a senior in high school when I first heard the song. I guess back then I did not understand the premise behind the song. As I listened to it last week, I started thinking Damn, Badu talking about some serious s**t.

How many of us have been in relationships and couldn't give our all because we were holding on to past residue. How many times have we jeopardized our relationships because we did not know how to let go? Our new partners are just that new partners. You should not hold your past hurts against them. When you are beginning a new relationship you should start off with a clean slate (even though most times we don't). Badu is saying Let that s**t go.

One day he gone say you crowdin my space
One day he gone say you crowdin my space
I said one day he gone say you crowdin my space
One day he gone say you crowdin my space

Do you want to risk your good relationships because you can not let go of that old stuff? All of those bags you are carrying around.

But this is not a relationships blog and I am not a relationship blogger. I heard this song and thought more than just love. This song to me represents life. You can not progress to the next step in your life if you are holding on to all that extra baggage. Personally, I have so many bags I need to drop off. I have hurt, fear, disappointment, sadness, so on and so forth I'm holding on to.

As I may have mentioned in previous blogs, written in my journal, and documented in the 31 Days to Reset Your Life my biggest thing that have prevented me from accomplishing my dreams is fear. I don't see anyone else in my family with these big dreams and goals so I assume I can't accomplish them. Sometimes I am scared to admit and say what I truly want because I feel if I verbalize it, it won't come true. Or if I verbalize it people are going to expect me to accomplish the goal and if I don't then they are going to judge me. SN: Many times we say "I don't care what people think" but really we do. I am trying to drop some of these bags I am carrying or at least lighten the load some. These bags are heavy. These bags are really starting to hold me down. I'm beginning to trip over them. I'm late getting to places I need to be because they bags are weighing me down. I can't get to the next level of my life with all these things holding me down.

Bag lady you gone hurt your back
Dragging all them bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you

One day all them bags gone get in your way
One day all them bags gone get in your way
I said one day all them bags gone get in your way
One Day all them bags gone get in your way

What bags are you carrying around? What bags you can lighten up some? I am lightening up my load, how about you??

Inspiration

2010-12-09T15:38:00.001-05:00

Photo Credit

31 Days Reflections Days 3-6

2010-12-07T01:50:00.001-05:00

Photo Credit

Even though I am not sharing my responses to the various assignments via the 31 Days to Reset Your Life Challenge I am still participating in the challenge. I feel a lot of it is personal and I do not want to share EVERYTHING publicly (right now). I am documenting it all in my composition notebook. I will give you an overview of what we have done so far and how it has affected me.

Day 3: Identify your values. Earlier in my professional career, I attended a retreat at my job. We did a workshop about values and morals. I remember being 22, and my list of values were very superficial. My co-worker/friend was surprised at my list because it was all about money, wealth, fame, power, and respect. Her list was really simple love, happiness, family, and friends. I looked at her list and thought "WTF?!"Lame. Lol. I could not imagine someone valuing those things. My mindset at that age was completing different from what it is now. I wanted to be on top of the world with my money, power, and respect- Eff everybody else. Sad but true.

5 years later I am completitng a value assignment and I realize how much I have grown since then. My values are completely different now than they were then. COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. As I type this now, I am thinking.. "Am I the same person?" "Did something happen in my life that made me change my outlook?"

My values now (in no particular order):

Success
Giving back to others
Continuous learning/education
Ability to travel
Financial Stability
Relationships (romantic, family, and friends)

As you can see this is a big difference from the money, power, respect (I guess I thought I was a member of The Lox) fame, and wealth. I grew and those things no longer mean the same to me. I want to be successful no doubt but I also want to use my success to help others. It's ok to be in love and have relationships (romantic). Back then, I could care less about all of that. I just wanted money. I had just graduated from college and I was trying to be a balla. Ha.

Day 4 assignment: Envision your values in action.

Am I currently living out my values?
What do my values look like in action?

For #1 we had to rate on a scale 1- 10 how we felt we were acting out that particular value in your life. Sadly to say, all of mine were low except continuous learning/education and giving back to others. Despite my no longer being in school I am an avid reader. I READ ALL THE TIME!!! So I am constantly learning and expanding my mind. I volunteer weekly and I use social media to raise awareness for various issues.

My other values... um naw... I am working on being a success. But I guess the term "success" is subjective. I have been told I was successful but I don't think so because I know I can do better. I am unable to travel right now because of finances. My financial stability is dependent upon me. I have the means to do better but am I doing better?? No. Lazy. Last but not least my relationships. I am working on them. I love my friends and family but I am closer to my friends than I am to my family. I really would like to work on that. My romantic relationship is improving (still working on that).

Day 5: personal mission statement. I did not participate in this task because I developed a mission statement for my life years ago when I read the book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven R. Covey. (Wonderful, wonderful book. I suggest you read it). The mission statement I wrote then is still relevant to my life and it was no need for me to change it.

Day 6: Life Map. I haven't started this one yet. I will work on it once I finish this blog post but I can not wait to get started on it. (Actually, by the time you read this post my Life Map will be completed).

Thanks for taking this journey with me as I get myself together and make the changes in my life!!!

I worked on this during the night and came back and included it AFTER I wrote the post.

#Dontnormallydothisbut

2010-12-04T09:00:00.001-05:00

I'm not the type of chick who you will always see on Twitter, Facebook, or any other social media sites saying:

"I love my man"

"I can't wait to see my boo"

"I could spend the rest of my life with him" or any of that other crap.

Blah, blah, blah. That's not my style. I'm pretty lo-key with everything I do especially when it comes to my relationships/dating. As it relates to the other women I really do not care about your trysts with your man. Especially when it's women I know personally who go through men like I go through books. Every guy you meet do not deserve a tweet or a FB update. Especially when your tweet or status update just read how much he got on your nerves or if your tweets and status updates were about a different man last week. *side Eye*

I tend to be a private person when it comes to my relationships. I'm like Janet. You wouldn't know I was married with a child until I was divorced or the child was graduating from college. I just don't like to share intimate information with people I don't know via social media. Shoot, sometimes I don't share information with my friends until AFTER things have happened.

Because I feel like singing...

Despite this 'soap box' I was just on I found myself tweeting last week how I understood why some women (emphasis on some ) tweet about their boo. It's a BIG difference between being overwhelmingly in love (or any other synonym ) and just talking just to talk.

Maybe I'm a 'hater'. Maybe I'm jealous of the woman who tweet or update their status messages ALL THE TIME about their boo. Maybe I want their lives. (Do You feel my sarcasm???)

My guy isn't new to my life. We met in 08 because we were neighbors. We dated for awhile but things didn't work out. We remained friends but just went on with our lives.

We're dating again. It's very scary for me. We're trying to see if we can get it right this time. We're older more mature...

Despite the fear, I feel so good. I feel so good. When I see him the little girl in me wants to jump up and down. But I been here done this before with him. I want to give my all and my everything but fear stops me. Fear of the unknown. Fear of being hurt. Fear of disappointment. Sometimes I want to shout from the rooftop how much I love this man. Sometimes I want to cover my head because I am scared to open my eyes and see what's going on.

I love this man so much and have for almost as long as we've known each other. Even when I was in another relationship I loved him. Knowing myself and my weaknesses I didn't talk to him at all while I was in that relationship. I am not a cheater and I wasn't going to jeopardize my morals or values.

When I say "#dontnormallydothisbut" I really don't. However, I did at one point find myself jumping on the 'relationship' bandwagon because that's what everybody else was doing. Honestly, I don't care about you and yours as long as it doesn't interfere with me and mine.

For me to tweet something about a boo or to write a blog post is out of the norm for me. But sometimes you meet people who make you feel so good you want to tell everybody! !

I've never felt this way as an adult. I've dated multiple guys. I've sexed multiple guys but to feel like this is new to me. To be willing to sacrifice and compromise your dreams and goals to experience love is unthinkable for me but I'll do it for love, I'll do it for him.

Real love!! Unadulterared love!! Not that "we just met on Saturday and I'm in love" love or "Your sex is so good, I think I can love you forever" love.

REAL LOVE

A love that makes you want to let down your guard and share all your thoughts, feelings, emotions, joys, pains, disappointments, EVERYTHING.

I love this man *blushes profusely* I really do. Writing this blog post has really put me out there. I feel very vulnerable and naked but I just wanted to say how I felt. I know love isn't perfect. There will be trials and tribulations; ups and downs but I'm willing to go through it all with him.

I hope things work out and if they don't *deep breath* I know I gave my all. I know I let my guard down and the real Stacy Australia showed not my representative. I know my love for him is authentic and genuine without any reservations.

So I '#dontnormallydothisbut' I love that man and I wanted to write about it.

I have to end this with a quote from one of my favorite books/favorite love story ....

"So her soul crawled out from its hiding place"

Their Eyes Were Watching God- Zora Neale Hurston

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31 Days to Reset your Life Challenge

2010-12-02T23:09:00.001-05:00

This is why I love Twitter. I am able to connect and interact with people I would have not normally met. Earlier this week I woke and checked my tweets (my usual routine). I received an @reply from @IAMKJR asking if I saw the tweet from @rosettathurman about her "31 Day Reset Your Life Challenge" Of course I clicked on the link because I love @rosettathurman because she is my age and is doing so much and everything she does is uplifting and positive.

I checked out the link and of course it was something I knew I would want to participate in..
Day 1 Pick a nice notebook so you an record your thoughts, feelings, reflections comments and concerns. We also had to pick a personal mantra that will help you along your journey and write the quote at the front of your notebook to keep you guided.

I picked a quote by Ms. Maya Angelou

"Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it"

This pretty much sums up my life. I pray and ask the creator for so much and when I receive it, I don't know how to maintain it, what to do with it, or how to use it. Many times I have been blessed with opportunities; business ventures, writing, teaching, love, almost everything I have hoped and prayed for but didn't know what to do when it was placed in my lap. I did not know how to use it. Ms. Angelou's quote best my sums up my life.

Day 2: Conduct a Life Assessment

I will be working on this this when I finish typing this post. The aspects of my life that the Life Assessment consists of

Lifestyle
Work
Education
Finances
Health
Family
Family
Relationships

The main questions to consider are what I love/hate about each aspect of my life and the things I would like to change and improve. I am about to work on that now and will have that posted by the end of the night. Ok, talk to you soon.

P.S. Bear with me as I post the updates to my 31 Day Challenge. My computer is out of commission and right now I am using my friend's computer. I can utilize my phone which I do for the most part but I like to include the links on my blog.

Ok going to work on my Life Assessment.

World AID's Day

2010-12-01T08:30:00.000-05:00

Today, Wednesday December 1st is World AIDS Day. Please get tested!!!
If you live in my area you can get tested at:

1) Rock Hill Health Department
1070 Heckle BlvdRock Hill, South Carolina 29732
803-909-7300

2) Catawba Care Coalition
500 Lakeshore Parkway Rock Hill, South Carolina 29732
803-909-6363 0r 877-647-6363

Mecklenburg Health Department. At 3 locations
Northwest 2845 Beatties Ford Rd.
Southeast. 249 Billingsley Rd.
Cmc Northpark 251 Eastway Dr.
704-336-6500

If you do not live in my area you can go to this website and find a clinic/agency closest to you
www.AIDS.gov

BE SAFE

Thanksgiving Reflections

2010-11-29T21:35:00.000-05:00

This post is a little late, but this is the best I can do without a computer...

HAPPY BLACK FRIDAY! ! Isn't today a holiday?? Ha ha. That is the way some people have treated today. Is it really that serious? I'm not a big shopper so maybe that's why I don't care. I couldn't imagined standing in line and/or camping outside a store for ANY product! ! ANY product!!
One of my BFF almost had me. Yeah, he almost had me. One day he text me...
"Stacy, can you do me a big favor?"
Me, "Sure, anything for you homie"
Him, "Can you stand in line at H.H. Greg for me so I can get my nephew a computer. I would do it but it's no H.H. Greg at the beach."
Whoa, pump brakes!! You want me to get in line at 3am and wait for the store to open at 4am??? My crazy self already agreed before I knew the details. Thankfully, he realized the computer was a netbook instead of a notebook and no longer wanted it. WHEWn!! Close call.
Ok so my family is crazy much like everybody else's family. I found out some of my cousins don't like the other group if cousins. WTF!! What is the problem?!? Grow up!! Especially for the older cousins to have "beef" with younger cousins!! Oh well!! Family is so interesting!!
Then I had one of my best phone calls ever!! Yes!! I hope it all works out!!

Anyways, I hung out with a few of my friends from chikdhood. One was a friend I knew over 20 years and we're only 27. Enjoyed my first visit to "Wet Willie's". I didn't get the 'Call a Cab' but I sampled it. Not my thing, tasted like cough syrup. I visited my favorite married couple. When I get married I want to be like them. Last but not least, I hung out with my high school BFF. Even though we live in the same city and went to same college (unintenional) it always feel good hanging out at home. Sense of nostalgia ...

I visited with my 'god-sister' who I haven't seen in almost 10 years. It was good seeing her.

Overall my Thanksgivings was awesome!! I love my family and I love my friends. I am thankful for them all.

27 Random Things About Me

2010-11-22T10:10:00.005-05:00

I was reading my friend's Facebook statuses last Friday and came across '25 Random Things about...Me' from J.P. It was one of my high school peers. I thought it was an excellent idea for a blogpost. This is 27 Random Things about me (27 because of my age).

1. When I was in high school, I wanted to be the first female rapper in 'Cash Money Records'
2. Like my homie J.P. said when I eat meat I feel guilty. It hurts my soul and I feel like Lisa Simpson felt when Homer made her eat that lamb.
3. I tried marijuana 3 times because I wanted to get high but neither time I got high- nor did I like it.
4. I was a vegetarian for 3 months back in 08. I stopped being one because the holidays came.
5. I went to get my tongue pierce in 2004 and was told my tongue was to short. So I got 3 tatoos instead.
6. I met my adult best friend in college and we have the same birthday!! August 5.
7. Even though I had a lot of 'boyfriends' in high school, I was not sexually active. I lost my virginity the day after my senior prom with long term boyfriend. (Wassup Jeremy).
8. Despite my bitching and complaining , I actually like working with troubled kids. They keep me laughing.
9. I always carry a notebook, pens, a book, ipod, flash drives no matter where I am going or what I am doing.
10. My favorite foods are pizzas, salads, sub sandwiches. I like the variety.
11. I love banana flavored candy.
12. My high school nickname was "Red" only a few close friends still call me that.
13. Yellow is my favorite color.
14. Tan used to be my favorite color. I liked how it accentuated my skin tone.
15. I participated in the Hurricane Katrina Relief Efforts in 2005. I was doing an internship at American Red Cross- best thing I ever did in my life.
16. I'm terrified of birds. (Don't judge me). I walk the other way when I see them.
17. I always wanted to join Peace Corps, Americorps, and Teach for America but was too lazy to complete application.
18. I always wanted to enroll in the military but did not have the discipline it required to lose the weight.
19. I want to live in NYC for one year.
20. I consider myself a vampire because I LOVE staying up late. I just function better when everybody else is sleep and the world is quiet.
21. When I have my first son I want to name him Brice or Bryson because of my name.
22. I don't get mad a lot but when I do, I black out and want to fight. (Honestly, it only happens every 4 or 5 years).
23. I hate when people call me 'Stace'. I feel that is just lazy. Say my entire name please.
24. Speaking of names if my name is mis-spelled (or you don't include middle initial in some cases) I will tell you that's not me.
25. I have a thing for guys with dreads (shhhhh). I actually have a thing for guys in tims, jeans, and white tees (or some variation of this.) Because of this my friends say I like 'thugs' boo hoo- whatever
26. Before I go out to eat my friends make me decide what I'm ordering before I get there or they don't talk to me until after food is ordered. I'm very indecisisive and change my mind frequently or I'll get side tracked into a conversation.
27. I did this entire blog post on my phone so if you see any typos etc that's the reason why. I love this phone!!

Wake Up Everybody

2010-11-19T09:00:00.000-05:00

WAKE UP EVERYBODY!!!

I'm writing a book!!!!

2010-11-17T01:22:00.000-05:00

I finally decided to do it!!! After much encouragement from friends, family, and co-workers. After thinking and re-thinking and asking God.. what could I do?? I finally decided to write my book!!! Yay!!! Go Me!! Yes, I, StacyAustralia finally decided to write her book.

Me..Duh!! That's my "Joan hair" (Tracee Ellis Ross)

I know a lot of you may be thinking; "What will her book be about?" That is one of the things that stalled my process. I have been writing since I was a child. I always wanted to be a writer and wrote several short stories as a child. As I grew older, I began writing poems, keeping journals, and raps (Yes, I wanted to be a rapper. I wanted to be the first female rapper on Cash Money Records).

Over the years I have played around with various things. I am not really into fiction. I feel a lot of fiction books (especially African American fiction) is the same storyline over and over. I am an avid reader so a lot of these books I read when I was in high school. For instance the author Zane. I read her book Addicted for the first time when I was 17. I was shocked and amazed because I was so young and I was not prepared for that. Blew my mind!!! Now everyone is on Zane. I read Eric Jerome Dickey, Omar Tyree, Mary B. Morrison, E. Lynn Harris and so many others when I was a teen. Reading them now doesn't stimulate me. I have read so many books that I can basically predict what is going to happen and how. I started stepping out of the fiction zone when I was in high school when I began reading the Chicken Soup series and Iyanla Vanzant. I really began stepping outside the fiction zone when I entered college and began reading memoirs/autobiographies, business books, feminist theorists (even though I do not claim to be a feminist), race, gender, sexuality books (hence my goal to pursue a PhD in Sociology- this stuff fascinates me). I started reading non-fiction and it's my favorite.

As I considered writing my book, I did not know how I could be different as a fiction writer. I did not see anything my characters could do that other authors characters haven't done before. I wanted my book to be something empowering, something uplifting, something that you could actually learn from and apply it to your everyday life. Then I started narrowing things down a little more.. Hmmm, what population do you want to target? I really did not know. I just wanted to write (Mama, I just want to sing). I thought about it more and more and I knew I wanted to do something for young girls/women. I decided I want to write some type of empowerment book. It will be different "lessons" I have learned in my 27 years. Each "lesson" will be accompanied with a personal story.

I plan on talking about sex, love, relationships, friendships, life, and family. Yall I get's raw, so if there is something you wanted to know about me... I am putting my business out there as I tell these stories and tie them in with the lessons. I have already completed 2 stories and have a lot more to go. There have been several things I attempted to write but it was just to hard. I have a lot of things that occurred in my life that I still have not dealt with. As a social worker, I am pretty sure a lot of the decisions and choices I have made in my life ties back to things that have occurred earlier. Some sad things have happened. Some things I never wanted to remember, talk about, yet alone write about but I am doing it.

I plan for my book to be an open letter to young sistas. Letting these young girls know, they are not alone. There will be things you will encounter in your life but you will be able to get through them. Been there, done that. Being a teenage girl is hard. Being a college age girl is hard. Shoot, being a grown woman is hard!!!

I just feel, I really need to do this. There are some young women who feel like there is no hope. They watch these videos and listen to these songs but yet still feel empty. I do not want these young girls to feel that way. There have been too many incidents of suicide and attempted suicide in the media and in my personal life for me to allow someone else to take their lives because they feel lonely.

I write this book for all those young girls who need something to hold on to. The young girls who need hope, need encouragement, need love.

I am excited!! I do not know how it will go or what will developed but my goal is to have the manuscript completed by next summer and have the book ready to purchase by the end of next year.

My writing style? I sit down and let the words flow. Once I get everything down I need to get I will go back and revise (change names) etc. I will definitely keep you updated on my progress through this blog. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy my book when it comes out!!!

Photo Credit 1

Photo Credit 2

I got tested y'all!!!

2010-11-15T11:00:00.002-05:00

Earlier this week I got tested for HIV. I did it because I have been promoting World AIDS Day (December 1st) on Twitter and Facebook and "Know your Status" but I have not been tested since last year. I know my status; I do not have unprotected sex nor do I have multiple sexual partners. Despite all of this I felt I needed to get tested AGAIN as a sexually active adult.
I see a lot of my peers saying "Yeah, I know my status" but have not been tested in years.

Every sexually active adult should get tested at least once a year.

Once, that is all. I do not think that is to much. We can take time to buy the new purse, new car, go on the "Girl's Night" or "Boy's Night" trips, concerts but we can not take at least an hour to get tested.

In the early years, we would get the blood test by needle and have to wait at least a week for the results. During that week of waiting we would be on edge; thinking about all of our sexual partners over the years. We would think about all the times we did not use a condom or the times the condom broke. We are on edge for those days as our sexual life flash before your eyes. Introduce the 20 minutes oral test (Ora-Quick).

Oral tests can be performed in a doctor's office or clinic. To use an oral HIV test, the inside of the mouth is gently scraped and the saliva is tested for the presence of HIV antibodies. The result is as accurate as the blood tests because the saliva is tested using an EIA test and then a Western blot test if necessary.

While you are waiting for your test results the counselor will discuss with you your sexual history:

How many people have you slept with?
What are their gender? male/female?
Have you ever had anal? oral? vaginal sex?
Do you use condoms? How often?

Now getting tested has become even more convenient. The new test is called Uni-Gold Recombigen HIV (Rapid Testing).

This test produces very quick results, usually in 10 minutes, much faster that the standard HIV tests (EIA and ELISA) that are not available for one to two weeks. These rapid tests are increasingly being used because of the faster turnaround time.

This was the test I took on Monday. In the time it took for the counselor to ask me about my sexual history the test was done and I knew my results- NEGATIVE. It was a sigh of relief but I already knew what my results were going to be.

As I mentioned, the counselor asked me how often I used condoms. For the most part 95% of the time I have had sex (in my 10 years of sex) I have used condoms. The counselor told me with that percentage and my other factors the chances of me contracting HIV are low and I tend to keep it this way. Hopefully the older you get (if you are actually maturing and growing) the more you take responsibility for your sexuality by using protection. I admit in my early 20s/late teens I did not ALWAYS use condoms. As I have gotten older, condom usage is a MUST.

I got tested to accurately promote "Know Your Status... Get tested, Stay Protected. Know your status today, if you are sexually active; not what you tested 5 years ago.

Overall HIV/AIDS is a serious disease. Be careful. Know your status, Get tested, more importantly STAY PROTECTED!!!!!

I want to share one more thing with you. Does anyone remember Rae Lewis Thornton? She was diagnosed with HIV at the tender age of 23 and is a 27 year survivor. I was going through my tweets (My name is StacyAustralia and I am a Twitter addict) and I came across a tweet that led to this site. It was re-tweeted into my timeline and it is an account of one of Miss. Thornton's worse days living with AIDS.

HIV IS NO JOKE; GET TESTED, STAY PROTECTED!!!

WORLD AIDS DAY
DECEMBER 1ST

Sources:
Oral Test,
RapidTesting,
Picture 1,
Picture 2,
Picture 3

My review/reflections of For Colored Girls

2010-11-09T03:19:00.003-05:00

This movie evoked so many emotions in me; fear, hurt, shame, sadness, disappointment, happiness. relief...

From Friday's post I am glad I went in with an open mind instead of letting the views of others affect what I thought. The movie was AWESOME/EXCELLENT/GOOD/BANGING and any other positive adjective you would like to use to describe it. I LOVED IT and will probably see it again.

First and foremost this movie had an awesome cast. Some of the most beautiful black men and women were in this movie. I was enthralled by all of our beautiful skin, #ilovemyskin. So many beautiful skin tones, complexions, hairstyles, voices, swagger, personalities... just beautiful!!! Yes!!! I love my people!!!

The movie showed so many different aspects of being a black woman; rape, abortion, infidelity, STD's, self image, so on and so forth. But on the flip side black women aren't the only women who experience these issues. I think (I can't speak for everyone) that is one of the main reasons the movie had so many negative criticism. As black women, we are tired of seeing us portrayed in the media as downtrodden and dependent on men as the existence of our being. Despite my thinking the movie was overall good, I was a little disgusted at some scenes. The movie drained me. I was sad because I felt "here we go again" (and I really needed a hug when I left-literally I told my homegirl "Hey, I need a hug"). Walking out the theatre and throughout the rest of Friday night, I thought about the various things I wanted to do to empower black women; especially our young girls. The movie really made me want to go out and do more for myself and my sistas.

Some of the most memorable characters were "Lady in Brown" (Kimberly Elise as 'Crystal'); "Lady in Yellow" (Anika Noni Rose as 'Yasmine') and "Lady in Orange" (Thandie Newton as 'Tangie). Maybe because I saw myself (and my experiences) in these women. As I mentioned on the Friday post, I remember reading this choreopoem as a teenager but unlike my peers I do not recall vivid details. As of right now I can not make the comparison of the movie to the the book because it has been many years since I have read it (but believe me I will be reading it again within the next few weeks).

One thing that really bothered me was "Lady in the Red's" (Janet Jackson as 'Jo') scene with her husband. How many times are we going to be hit in the face and over the head with the "Down low" phenomenon and the equivalent HIV/AIDS. Guess what being on the "down low" DO NOT EQUATE to HIV/AIDS. You can get HIV/AIDS from anyone if you are having unprotected sex with someone who is infected. Another thing that pissed me off (that is partially unrelated to the move) was the ignorant people in my theatre. I read some blogs and they talked about the various things people did during the movie (sex, yell at screen, talk on phone, kids etc) fortunately I did not have to endure those issues. What I did have to endure was the ignorance murmured throughout the crowd as 'Jo' was talking to her husband. So many people in the audience was murmuring"faggot" "that's what he get" "nasty f**ker" "That's what he get for f***ing men". This pissed me off and I was pissed off that was even in the movie. I am pretty sure it wasn't in the play/choreopoem.

Another thing I did not like was all the "no-good black men." I love my people especially my black men and I was little pissed off that all the men in the movie were "no-good."Believe it or not there are some good black men out there. All black men are not alcoholic, mentally ill, emotionally detached, rapists, or any other stereotyped they were portrayed in the movie. I promise you ALL black men are not that bad.

All in all I love the movie. It had it's ups and it's downs (all the things I mentioned above) and on a scale of 1 to 10, I will probably give it a 7. Yes, I really needed a hug when I the credits started rolling and I was pretty depressed the rest of the night but I still think it was a good movie. I am still not a big TP fan but I think he did a good job on this movie.

I recommend you go see the movie and make your own judgement. Do not allow what you read by me or any other blogger, twitter follower, FB friend, or whoever determine what you think without actually seeing it.

SN: Black Girls Rock!!!!!!

For Colored Girls.../Mr. Perry

2010-11-05T10:55:00.000-04:00

Today is the opening day of "For Colored Girls...." I remember reading this choreo-poem as a teen once (or twice) but sadly to say I do not remember vivid details. I do not remember specific characters but I remember how I felt when I read the poem. I was one of those "Colored Girls who considered suicide..." It was hard being a teenager and dealing with various "teen issues" and it is still hard dealing with some of those "teen issues" that have crossed over into my adulthood.

Needless to say, later this evening I will be one of the masses viewing this movie. When one of my friends asked me earlier this week did I want to make it a "Girls Night". I was like "Hell yeah." I love spending time with my estrogen friends (since I spend most time with the testosterone brethren).

Now in my blogosphere/Twitter world a lot of the NY/DC people I follow have been privy to see sneak previews. I read them and was a little upset (and scared) to see the film which is part of the reason I did not initially want to see the movie. I am not a big fan of Mr. Perry, let me just put that out there but I think some of these reviewers have judged the movie based on their dislike towards him. I do not think that is fair. Now if the movie is garbage then it is garbage but I do not think we should make judgements before seeing the movie or because we just don't like Tyler.

One of the maine reasons I dislike Mr. Perry because I hate Ma'dea. Yes, I said it!!! I hate Ma'dea and hated her since the first time we were introduced in college. I am from and lived in South Carolina up until June of this year (I now live in North Carolina, I know what a big difference *sarcasm). My friends "the kids" throughout college would take frequent visits to "the A" (Atlanta, for those of you not familiar with this area). They would often come back with these stage plays from the 'chitlin circuit.' It would be these loud a** plays with blacks singing and dancing and overcoming obstacles. I hated them plays. They were so stereotypical. They were LOUD and ALWAYS about some poor black woman dealing with some issue that it seemed only black women get. I just could not get with Ma'dea and 'em but my friends loved it. I hated when they would go to Atlanta because I knew when they came back I would be subjected to that buffoonery.

Over the years Mr. Perry was (un)fortunate enough to turn those plays into movies. Of course I have seen a few. I can go into details about each of this movie but I won't. Some of the the movies were good some were ok..... Obviously, I preferred the ones without Ma'dea in them. (I just really hate her!!!!) and I definitely prefer the movies over the plays.

Regardless of how we individually feel about Mr. Perry he has some talent (he is a multi-millionaire, he's making money somewhere). A lot of people (middle age women) think he is a genius and brilliant. Naw...... I can't get with that. A lot of his movies just left me wanting more. I feel the Trois trilogy or Motives couple (can't think of the appropriate word for 2 movies in a series... 'series' perhaps) had better story lines and better endings (what the hell happened with Why Did I Get Married Two?).

I say all of that to say before I make a judgement of this movie, I am going to wait to see it first. I just do not think it is fair to prejudge the movie because of dislike for Mr. Perry or to view the movie based on that same dislike. I am going in with an open mind and if I do not like it then I do not like it. I did not like Just Wright (horrible bad acting and lame) or Death at a Funeral (just stupid, you would think with all of those well-known actors it would have been a little better- BUT IT WASN'T) but I liked Soul Plane (it was actually funny to me).

All in all I can not wait until later this evening when I meet up with my friend and catch up on our week, eat, drink, and see this movie. Like most bloggers/writers I will probably have a review of this movie by the end of the weekend. I just really hope and pray it isn't as bad as the reviews have made it seem. I hate spending my money on a wack a** movie, especially when it costs $10 (even with a student discount).

Oh well..... Good Friday people

Another thing shame on all of you who have never heard of or read the choreo-poem but just want to see the movie because it is the "New Tyler Perry movie"....

Either way good or bad.... I can't wait to see the actresses!!!! Powerful Cast!!!

Love is Blind 1.5

2010-10-29T14:00:00.001-04:00

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In the previous Love is Blind Post, I wrote the next post would be about my experience with Domestic Violence. I tried several times to begin my story but I can't. I really can't. I do not like to think about it. Sometimes I feel I have no room to call myself a DV "survivor" when there are women who have endured years of abuse, women who were killed, and women who lost everything. My story doesn't compare to those real "survivors." So it is so hard to say I was a victim of Domestic Violence.

My perp wasn't someone I was in love with. He wasn't someone I knew for years. He was just a bad situation I got involved in. We met things went to fast and he became controlling and abusive. Things happened faster than I realized. It only lasted 3 months but it was a long hard 3 months. He ended up in jail and I ended up moving and changing my phone number.

I do not really want to go into details because I do not really want to think about it. It is something that happened in my past that I want to forget. I admire all the women who can tell their story. I admire all the women who have endured so much for so long. My story was just a young girl being dumb and ended in a bad situation.

That's all I can say. Sorry I couldn't give you more details and a story. I do not like to talk about it or deal with it. I thought I could but I guess I was wrong.

Avon Walk for Breast Cancer 2010

2010-10-28T14:41:00.001-04:00

I attended the 2010 Avon Walk for Breast Cancer Charlotte. As last year it was very emotional and touching hearing the stories of the survivors and their family members. I was unable to attend Sunday because I had personal issues arise but here are some pictures from Day 1.

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Love is Blind.....Part 1

2010-10-20T03:02:00.040-04:00

In Recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I had to post this video. Love really is blind. We tend to not see how blinding it is when we are in a situation; but when we make it through and look back we see all the things we did not see before. This not only relates to domestic violence but any aspect of a relationship. It is so easy to judge others and their misfortunes but do not see the same misfortunes in your own relationships. As an outsider it is easy to tell someone who is being abused to "Get out", "Leave", "Get help" but when you are the one being abused you tend to be slower to react.

As a victim of Domestic Violence I did not realize how hard it was to leave. Especially when you think you "love" the abuser.

I remember when the above video came out. I was probably a junior or senior in high school. The song really did something to me and really stuck with me. Not only because Eve was (and still is) my favorite female rapper but because she was exploring something that I saw quite often in high school. Fortunately at this time I was not in an abusive relationship but I knew young girls who were. As most women, my mindset was "No, dude better not ever put his hands on me or I'm gonna do_________________" or "My daddy ain't never beat me, I be damn if some other man will." I was that sassy young girl with my hand on my hip making these claims. I use to think, how can these women stay in these relationships. In my mind it was not that complicated, just get your s**t and leave- case closed. I was young and dumb and did not realize the dynamics of it all.

Fast forward to 2006/2007. I just graduated from undergraduate in December 2005. I am working at my first job in my career. I worked with the homeless population (persons who were low-income). I did basic case manager duties. (But I do not want to focus on that because it is not the gist of this post.) I had a client at a DV shelter. At this time I am a young social worker, thinking I know everything when I really did not know anything. I was not aware of the restraints one would have at the shelter. There are so many women running from abusive relationships that a lot of these shelters have to turn women away because they do not have enough space. When you factor in women who have children that is another issue. I just did not realize the issues involved with domestic violence cases. It is not just about the women leaving the abuser but what do you do when the abuser have been providing everything you needed. You never had to work You do not know how to do anything because you depended on him for everything. How do you function when you leave him and must take care of yourself? Where do you start? What do you do? Sometimes women stay because it is easier.

I worked with this client and I watched her go to work and make sure her children were safe and taken care of all the while adjusting to a new city after escaping abuse. I saw the various roadblocks she had to overcome in order to secure housing. Ironically, this client was not the only female client I had that was escaping abuse. The others were in various stages of rebuilding their lives. This particular client was in the beginning stage of rebuilding her life.

As the thorough social worker I was (and still am) I did research. I was trying to find information that would be able to help her. When you are escaping abuse sometimes you may leave your last residency without paying the bills. This can then affect your chances of securing housing later. But when you are trying to get your children together to leave you are not thinking about paying your rent or calling to make payment arrangements. You are trying to get out and fast!!

From experiences I had working with women who were victims of domestic violence, I thought I was strong. I thought my attitude when I was younger (never letting a man put his hands on me) was reinforced but I guess I was wrong. I thought I would NEVER be that girl who was a victim of domestic violence but I was.....

Stay Tuned for Part 2, My story as a victim of Domestic Violence "Love is Blind Part 2"

How to do a Breast Self-Examination

2010-10-12T12:00:00.001-04:00

I know a lot of us do not do self-examination regularly. I am guilty of it. But ladies we must do these exams to detect breast cancer in the early stages. Know your body!!! It is recommended that we do the breast self-exam once a month. The following link is a detailed description of how to completed a breast self-exam.

National Coming Out Day 10/11/2010

2010-10-11T04:03:00.000-04:00

Gay Pride Flag

I learned October 11, 2010 was "National Coming Out Day" from exploring the Internet early last week. I was reading a tweet, stating Terry McMillan's ex-husband was hosting a new web series entitled NoMoreDownLow.tv. Being the inquisitive person I am I clicked on the link and watch the promo of the web series. It seemed very interesting. No offense, but I thought it was going to be a lot of glare and extravagance but it was not. I guess that was my ignorance perpetuating a stereotypical gay male. The show actually have 2 host Johnathan Plummer and a young lady named Janora McDuffie. The show goal is to focus on the positive accomplishments the gay community have made into society. The show premiere day is today October 11, 2010 hence my focus on "National Coming Out Day"

I am not writing this post to focus on the web series but to focus on LGBTQ (Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Transgendered, and Questioning) persons within our society. Homosexuality is a real thing rather we agree with it or not. My goal is to focus on acceptance and acknowledgement even if you do not "believe" it. In the past few weeks there have been several suicides by homosexual youth who have been outed by peers. Over the years there have been several acts of hate crimes where people were either killed or badly brutalized because of their sexual preference. Who can forget Matthew Sheppard in 1998.

The horrific events that took place shortly after midnight on October 7, 1998 went against everything that Matt embodied. Two men, Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson, lead him to a remote area east of Laramie, Wyoming. He was tied to a split-rail fence where the two men severely assaulted him. He was beaten and left to die in the cold of the night. Almost 18 hours later, he was found by a bicyclist who initially mistook him for a scarecrow. Matt died on October 12 at 12:53 a.m. at Poudre Valley Hospital in Fort Collins, Colorado with his family by his side. Matthew Shepard Foundation

In October of 1998, I was a sophomore in high school. I remember watching Channel One news and they were discussing this horrific crime. I thought it was sad someone could brutalized another person in such a gruesome way because of his sexuality. At this time I had friends who were struggling with their sexuality and could never imagine harming them because they were different. But I remember Matthew Sheppard and seeing his story on TV. I remember the discussions about what those criminals did to him. I remember it all.

Bisexual Pride Flag

Recently in NYC, a Latino gang brutalized 2 youth ages 17 and 16 and a 30 year old man because of their sexuality. These victims were stripped, beaten, sodomized, and burned. Where's the humanity in that? These men were treated this way because they were homosexual.

Homosexuals in society are constantly being condemned and misjudged because of their sexuality. They are being denied to express their love. They are being denied to be honest with themselves for fear of shame and backlash. They are being denied to serve in the military. They are being denied health insurance. They are being denied so much because of their sexual preference.

The Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy was passed in 1993 as a law mandating the discharged of openly gay men and women in the military. More than 14,000 service men and women have been discharged for their sexuality since 1994. We are constantly going to war and losing our lives fighting for other people's freedom yet our servicemen and women can not receive the same treatment here in America. Some servicemen and women are still under the radar but are living in fear of being outed.

As we all know recently at Rutgers University, a young man named Tyler Clementi committed suicide by jumping off the George Washington Bridge. His roommate videotaped him performing sexual acts with another man and decided to broadcast it on social networking sites. This is one of many suicides within the last few weeks, here are the others:

September 14, 2010 15 year old Billy Lucas hangs himself inside family barn.
September 19, 2010- 13 year old Seth Walsh attempts to hang himself and later dies in the hospital.
September 23, 2010- 13 year old Asher Brown shoots himself in the head.
September 29, 2010- 19 year old Raymond Chase hangs himself inside his college dorm room.

These young men were harassed, teased, and bullied which resulted in them ending their lives prematurely.

This post is to raise awareness of the LBGTQ community. These people are no different from "straight" people. They feel the same pain, hurt, anguish, fear, happiness, love, and everything else us heterosexual people experience. This is 2010 and we are still close minded about sexuality. People tend to quote the bible when it comes to homosexuality. I wonder why bible verses are so relevant to homosexuality but people are not reciting those same verses when it comes to adultery, murder, idolatry, false gods, and the various "un-Christian like" activities they are committing.

Transgendered Pride Flag

Once again today is "National Coming Out" day. I asked that you show some love to your LGBTQ friends and family. We all need love and do not want to be judge solely on our sexuality but for who we are as a person. Let these friends and family know you love them and appreciate them regardless of their sexuality. There has been too many lives lost over the years because of sexual preference. There has been to many victims who were unable to fulfill their life's calling because they were ashamed. There has been to much ignorance and misinformation circulated within society about the LGBTQ community. There have been to many victims for to long.

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In memory of the young men listed above as well as others who have lost their lives.

What is Breast Cancer?

2010-10-05T12:00:00.004-04:00

Breast Cancer is a disease which malignant cells form in the center of the breast. It is a disease that can affect anyone at anytime in their life.

Breast Cancer Signs & Symptoms:

Common signs & symptoms of breast cancer include:

A change in how the breast or nipple feels

You may experience nipple tenderness or notice a lump or thickening in or near the breast or in the underarm area.

A change in how the breast or nipple looks

This could mean a change in the size or shape of the breast or a nipple that is turned slightly inward. In addition, the skin of the breast, areola or nipple may appear scaly, red or swollen or may have ridges or pitting that resembles the skin of an orange.

Nipple discharge

Information retrieved from National Breast Cancer Foundation Inc
For more information click the above link and/or American Cancer Society Breast Cancer link

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Types of Abuse

2010-10-04T02:18:00.001-04:00

Rock the Purple Ribbon

According to the Mecklenburg County, NC government page there are 5 types of abuse:

PHYSICAL: Hitting, slapping, kicking, burning, holding a knife to the body, destroying the victim's property, mutilating, choking, holding down, punching.

EMOTIONAL: Humiliating, insulting, screaming, name calling, constant harassment, constant criticism, refusing to talk verbal abuse.

SEXUAL: Rape/sexual assault, unwanted sexual practices, forced sex with other men, sexual abuse of children, obsession with pornography, etc.

ECONOMIC: Withholding money, lying about financial assets/debts, stealing money, refusing to pay bills, using money for drugs/alcohol, withholding child support, controlling all household finances.

PSYCHOLOGICAL: "Crazy-making" playing tricks/mind games, biding objects (car keys, money, important documents), denying the abuse.

SYMPTOMS OF SPOUSE ABUSE

Physical Symptoms:

*Unexplained bruises or welts on victim's face, lips, mouth, torso, back or buttocks.

Batterers attack their victims, leaving bruises, in unexposed areas (genitals, back of head)
*Unexplained fractures of skull, nose or facial structure multiple fractures-, "twist" fractures of the arms or legs

*Injuries on areas of body normally covered by clothing

*Injuries in various stages of healing

*Explanation for injuries inconsistent or implausible

Behavioral Symptoms:

*Emotional withdrawal

*Impulse or aggressiveness

*Apprehensiveness or fearfulness

*Depression or helplessness

*Inhibited or regressed behavior

*Disturbance of eating patterns/sleeping patterns

*Compulsive behaviors

Psychological Symptoms:

*Phobias/obsessions

*Depression/Anxiety

Information retrieved from Charlotte Mecklenburg County website
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October, Very important month for women (and men)

2010-10-01T09:00:00.022-04:00

Breast Cancer Awareness Ribbon

Many of you may not know but October is both Breast Cancer and Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Both are these issues are significant to me for various reasons. Breast cancer is important to me because

• Every 3 minutes a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer

• A woman has a 1 in 8 chance of developing breast cancer in her lifetime

• A life is lost to breast cancer every 13 minutes

• African American women are more likely to die from breast cancer.

Think about that. In the time it takes to watch a 30 minute TV show, 10 women were diagnosed with breast cancer and 2 died from the disease. This is a very serious disease and the best thing is early detection. Getting those mammograms (if you are at the appropriate age) and doing those monthly self breast exams. Know your body. Early detection can save your life. The earlier the cancer is detected the easier it is to treat.

Domestic Violence is important to me because I am a survivor of domestic violence. I endured someone forcing me to do the things I did not want to do, taking away my resources, inappropriately putting their hands on me, and demeaning me. Domestic violence is a critical phenomenon within our society that needs to be examined more carefully. We need to raise awareness and provide preventative and intervention strategies to decrease the number of victims especially deaths. I thank God I had the strength to leave my situation. Here are a few stats to open your mind and your eyes about domestic violence.

• One in every 4 women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime

• Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults

• 28% of murders in South Carolina was related to domestic violence in 2006

• There were 79 homicides in North Carolina that resulted from domestic violence in 2006

• Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police

In an effort to raise awareness I decided throughout the month of October my blog posts will be information either about Domestic Violence (including my own personal story) or Breast Cancer. Thanks in advance for reading it.

Resources

Avon Walk Foundation

National Coalition against Domestic Violence

North Carolina Domestic Violence Facts

South Carolina Domestic Violence Facts

Domestic Violence Awareness Ribbon

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"Finding my way back...."

2010-09-30T07:11:00.000-04:00

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I have been writing this blog for almost a year now. When I initially started I did not have a plan for the blog, all I know was I wanted to write. Perhaps I only wanted to utilize this blog as an online journal- I can not say because I do not know. Over the past few months I have really invested time into writing and promoting my blog. It has really become an outlet for me to express my views about things happening in the world around us.

Not only do I maintain my own blog; I read other blogs as well as write for two online magazines. As you may have noticed I write about EVERYTHING on here. I like to talk and I talk about everything so it is safe to assume I will write about everything. In recent months I have also decided I wanted to take my blog to the next level. The more I get into my writing the more I realize I need to focus. I have read various “blog tips” and the main points that remain consistent are having a “niche” and using the blog to create your “brand.” I have the branding part covered (all those business books I have read :-) ). I need to focus on my niche. Because I talk so much about everything I never really considered a niche. What moves me is what I write about, nothing scientific about it. Even though sometimes I struggled with writing without allowing too much disclosure. As a person and as a writer I always want to be authentic and transparent with my readers. I do not want anyone to question my sincerity and integrity for anything I write. EVERYTHING I write comes from my heart and are things I have experienced or have strong opinions on. Yes I admit sometimes I may exaggerate things for comical purpose but the overall gist is the same.

As I mentioned I want to take my blog to another level. I need to find that “niche.” From reading various blogs; blogger’s niches range from personal growth to entrepreneurship and of course relationships and any and everything else in between. As a social worker and aspiring sociologist (due to my wanting to pursue a PhD in Sociology) I realize my passions are social issues. I care about what is going on in the world and how this affects my people. I want to Uplift.Inspire.Encourage (my tagline). I plan to spark conversations about issues that are plaguing the African American community. I plan to encourage those who need encouragement. I plan to share stories of personal growth. I will utilize my blog as a platform to talk about taboo subjects topics.

Once again thanks for taking time to read my thoughts. Did I really write something if no one reads it?? (Haha comical relief)

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I attempted to write about relationships but they do not appeal to me. I really do not care. From reviewing my blog posts, I may have written 10 posts about relationships out of 155 total posts. I really do not care. Discussions about relationships are not important to me. Not saying relationships are insignificant because they are but not to me and the mission statement I created for my life (indirectly yeah, but not directly). I am tired of people giving advice and I am tired of taking advice. Life is much more important than finding ways to snag that man, blah blah blah womp womp womp.

"Facebook got me Fired!!!"

2010-09-28T00:13:00.000-04:00

Now that I have your attention I was not fired from Facebook. Gotcha!!! I love my job!!!! This article is about the adage “Facebook is messy.” I tend to disagree. Is Facebook messy or are you messy?? Think about that. I have had several conversations over the past few months where people claimed Facebook for being messy and took “time off “from Facebook. Huh? How do you take time off from a website you have complete control over? Before I go any harder about how messy Facebook is NOT; I want you to take some time and look at your profile right quick….

Okay you are back, good.

How many things did you see on your profile that was unnecessary? Did you really need to have your employer’s information? Was your phone number really necessary? Did the World Wide Web really need to know your relationship status? Do you now see where I am going with this?

I love my Facebook fam. Most of my FB friends are people I know from college, graduate school, work, or back home in Columbia, SC. I really enjoy when I reconnect with someone I have not spoken to in years. It gives me some type of ‘social media high’ when I see an inbox message from someone I have not seen in years. It is like OMG, where have you been?? I have not seen you since that time (fill in the blank with whatever ‘that time’ may be).

However we need to learn what to put on Facebook and what not to put on Facebook. Let me share with you a little secret: FACEBOOK ONLY DISPLAY WHAT YOU AT SOME POINT POSTED!!!! I am not the creator of facebook in no shape, form, or fashion (but I wish I was) but that has to be the biggest “facebook secret.” If you do not want anyone to know your business STOP, I repeat STOP putting your personal business in your profile, your pictures, and your status messages. If you are trying to be a professional; jobs do utilize the internet to see what is out there about you. Take another minute and Google yourself (Google me baby, Google me baby- sorry just had to do that. Remember that song from Teyana Taylor??). Now when you googled yourself what did you see? If you do not see anything that is good!!! Congratulations!! But on the flip side if you have no internet presence (meaning positive) that is another issue (branding).

I have heard people make some of these comments numerous times

“FB breaks up happy homes”

“FB put all of your business out there”

“FB had my man thinking I was cheating on him”

So on and so forth.

Have you read the things you posted? Have you seen the pictures you posted or were tagged in? You wonder how your ex got your new phone number…ummm…. You put it on facebook!!! You wonder why you got wrote up at work…um….you said your boss was an ‘asshole, and if she wasn’t my boss I’ll get ghetto and kick her ass.’ Did you forget your boss was a FB friend?? Really? Really?

We have to stop blaming Facebook for the things we post. Take responsibility for your own actions and be accountable. Stop talking about how messy FB is and stop posting your business!!! Before you press ‘share’ think about what you are typing and if it could somehow come back and bite you in the ass.

We all drink it!!

Facebook is a good networking tool. Actually facebook is an EXCELLENT networking tool- use it as such. Do not get personal and dramatic then claim “Facebook is messy.” You can not get mad at anyone but yourself. Facebook is not messy, you are messy.

So what do you think? Is social media ‘messy’ or are the people who are posting are messy?

Or am I just shooting out the side of my mouth?

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Anti-Relationships

2010-09-24T03:58:00.000-04:00

I am 27. I am educated. I am single. I am just like almost everyone else my age. We are all looking for stability, the commitment, the love, the settling down. How do I know? Well, I talk to people my age on a constant basis. I read blogs. I read articles. All of these things are talking about relationships. How to get one. How to keep one. So on and so forth. Even on the online magazine I write for For Harriet in my Girl Please column, I have written about relationships. I am tired of it!!! I am tired of reading about them. I am tired of thinking about them. I am tired of talking about them. Everybody is trying to give everybody else advice on how to be in a relationship (including myself).

People are constantly writing these books about relationships. It seems the state of the African American love is the state of the nation because people are constantly talking about it. Steve Harvey is coming out with a new book; Straight Talk, No Chasers: How to Find, Keep, and Understand a Man. Ok I read the first book and I did not feel as if it was even for me and my peers. It was a lot of common sense things. The book seems more for the "Tyler Perry" crowd of women. Those in their mid-forties who are still single looking for something to grab hold to. I am not a big fan or Mr. Harvey when it comes to relationships. I do not even think he is that funny. I simply tolerate him. (But I do like him a lot better than Michael Baisden but that is a different story). I do not feel Mr. Harvey has the credentials to continue telling us women how to find, keep, and understand a man. Really, I don't. I also do not feel that women have the right to tell other women how to find, keep, and understand a man either. What we really need to do is talk. Instead of talking and finding out what our mates, partners, opposite sex is thinking we are guessing. Each time we attempt to guess what is going on we are usually wrong.

I am just so tired of the relationship talk. Yes, I want to be married, stable, with kids one day but I do not want everyone telling me dichotomous ways on how to make it happen. One person say do this and somebody else says do that. These women say don't take care of your man then these women say make sure he is happy. This man says men want this and that many says men what that. What?!? Everybody has something to say about the state of African American relationships. White America has identified Steve Harvey as the person who can explain our relationship state. Dude, you are twice my age. Yes, things haven't change that much but what you are talking about is not what we are dealing with now in the 21st century. We are a different breed of women and men.

I know I am just rambling. I really do not even know if I got my point out. It is 3:36 am. I am just tired of relationship stuff; advice, suggestions, books, music, tips, techniquues, etc. Just tired. You know what works individually for you. If what you are doing is not working then perhaps look to our friends who are in stable relationship and see what they are doing. Stop reading these blogs, buying these books, listening to these radio shows that are telling you how to be in a relationship. Men are arguing with women about what they are doing wrong; women are aruging with me about what they are not doing. STOP!!!!!

Love yourself and if you love yourself then evenutally someone else will love you. Lets talk about something else beside Young, Black, Professionals and the status of our love lives. There is so much going on in the world besides that. Really, find a hobby or something. Volunteer, donate blood. Do something besides sitting around with your friends talking about relationships especially when you are not even talking to the person you are in the relationship with; your partner.

My challenge to myself is not to write about relationships for the next 30 days. I do not think it will even be hard because I did not even focus on relationships on my blog. I can not say stop"reading" about relationships because majority of the blogs I read are relationship based. I will have to find some more topics for my column on For Harriet because relationship stuff is off for the next 30 days. Life is so much more than sitting around plotting and planning how to get a man. I love men, no doubt but I do not want to plot and plan on how to get one. I'll rather do something else.

Ok rant over.

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Ode to USC & Winthrop

2010-09-22T03:38:00.000-04:00

This is going to be a really quick post. I am attempting to finish this article I am writing about a study pertaining to African American males in the education system. Very good study. I have the article written out and everything. My problem is I can not find the stats I need to better represent my point. This is an ode to University of South Carolina and Winthrop University because I miss having access to their online journals. It was so wonderful the days I could just go to the library's online database and find the information I needed. Oh how I miss that luxury....

End of Summer Reflections

2010-09-21T12:00:00.001-04:00

Today we are saying good-bye to the summer of 2010. For some of us it may have been the best thing ever but for others we can not wait for it to be over. Regardless of how you felt about your summer it is over. We are going back to our “regular” lives and our “normal” routines. Some of us are returning to school to finish our degrees, some of us are readjusting to being out of school, while others may began to “cuddle up” with a new mate (it is about to get cold, you need someone to keep you warm *wink*).

Fall is a time of reflections. As season changes we change. Things we did during the summer we will probably not do during the Fall/Winter.

As you transition into the colder months consider these things:

1. What are you goals? Do you have anything you are trying to accomplish for the Fall/Winter months?

2. What things did you like/dislike about your summer? How can you make changes? How can you make next summer better?

3. Did you learn anything about yourself this past summer? Are there experiences you want to remember? Any you want to forget?

I hope you all have a wonderful season. I look forward to all the opportunities I will have this Fall/Winter that I was unable to experience this summer.

Have fun people!! (Stay Warm, unless you live in my area where it does not get cold until January)

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1 DAY AT A TIME CHALLENGE

2010-09-16T12:00:00.001-04:00

I have been thinking a lot about fitness the past few days. I know I need to get in shape and drop a few pounds. I do not necessarily want to get "skinny" but I know I want to be healthier. Over the last 2 weeks I have participated in some form of physical activity albeit taking the stairs at work, walking around apartment complex, walking at park, or doing yoga. I am aware I am not the only one who have fitness goals so I present this challenge to all of you; young, old, men, and women, black and white...

I want to start a campaign to get people up and out doing some form of physical activity. For those of you who are aiming to become physically active but do not have a gym membership- YOU DO NOT NEED ONE!!!!! There are so many activities you can do in the comfort of your own home. I just did a 30 minute yoga session and I love it. I present to you...

"1 DAY AT A TIME CHALLENGE"

I want people to realize just because you are "skinny" does not necessarily mean you are "healthy." So please do not think this campaign is just for us big girls because it is for EVERYBODY!!!!

But we are taking it "1 day at a time". We have to take small steps because if we try to do everything at once we will get overwhelmed then quit!! The activity can be as simple as taking the stairs when you are at work instead of elevator (like I am doing) or just walking in place during commercial break while watching TV. I want to emphasize a gym membership is not needed in order for you to become physically active. There are so many things you can do in the comfort of your own home. Check out some of the exercises on this website A Black Girl's Guide to Weight Loss.
PLEASE do not focus on losing weight right now. The goal of this challenge is not to lose weight but to get active.

Everybody get up, get out and do something. The last Thursday of the month we will have a check in. Come back here and write about the various activities you did throughout the month. How did you feel doing it? Was it a challenge? What did you learn? What will you change next time?

Well, I have to go be physically fit, I will check in with the rest of you at the end of October!!

The first "1 Day at a Time Challenge" check in is Thursday, October 28. See ya then!!!

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Accountability: Does it not apply to you??

2010-09-13T12:00:00.002-04:00

Hopefully if you are reading my blog you are an adult. Meaning you are responsible for your own actions, choices, and decisions. I have written 2 pieces so far for For Harriet: celebrating the fullness of black womanhood and they both were met with unfavorable comments. My last post suggested women look inward when dating instead of rattling how they look on paper (education, pay own bills, independent etc). The title of the article is Girl Please!!! “No, wonder you’re single” (The original title was Girl Please!!! “And, so what”? The title was changed by the edit or). My questions were:

Are you supportive?

Are you compassionate?

Are you loving?

Are you encouraging?

What else do you have to offer besides “Miss Independent?

Do you have those qualities or is everything about your degrees???

One response I received stated (verbatim-typos and all)

“...Once again and for the millionth time, black women are not to blame for our own predicaments, behaviorally black women don't differ from other women. HOWEVER, our positions in our society, combined with racial and gender marginalization (don't forget higher incarceration , suicide, homocide rates for blk men) ...leave us in these unfortunate predicaments"

I am not quite sure what that had to do with the post. In no shape, form, or fashion was I trying to blame anyone for anything. So I question rather or not the commenter even read my article. Really? I am pretty intellectual and I was lost.

Another comment said

"If I read one more article about how we need to change ourselves into something we're not to get a man, I'm going POSTAL! ..."

What?!? No one said anything about changing either.

The gist of the article was to look inward when you search for a mate instead of thinking you are God's gift because you are educated. Last week when I suggested cooking, I receive various hits stating 'what about being supportive?' 'why can't he cook for me' etc etc. This week I am asking you to look inward and question yourself yet I am being judged again. I have been met with praise if I wrote about how horrible black men are and how bad society has treated me. I am not trying to attack anyone ESPECIALLY not the black woman. I just want to be real about EVERYTHING!!! You can disagree with my views- fine. I can accept and respect that. I want us black women to start being accountable for our actions instead of blaming it on everyone else. Stop singing that ‘woe is me, poor black woman song’; yes, we have been raped, abused, misunderstood, and marginalized. I understand the misogynistic culture and how we are still being oppressed, sexualized, and silenced. I understand all of this and respect the struggle of the African American woman. I am an African American woman so I recognize the trials and tribulations we have overcome and are still overcoming. I understand believe me I do but what are you doing about it? Are you still putting yourself in situations that YOU CAN CONTROL??

Once again stop singing the 'woe is me, I am a black woman, they hate me drama." The first step you can make is stop bitchin' and do something. It is everybody else fault that things are wrong in your life?

So it is society's or the black man's fault you are overweight? (How about you watch what you eat and exercise??)

So it is society's fault your finances are jacked up? (How about you keep a budget and not spend more than what you make).

It's the black mans that you are a single mom? (How about you think about "Ray Ray" before you lay down? If he did not treat you good before why are you continuously sleeping with him?
PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE stop singing that song "Girl, it ain't no good black men around" Once again are you a "good black woman"? You are looking for a king yet you are a court jester!!! Really???

Black women we have a lot of control in our lives but we allow others to take it. We are giving our control away by allowing another to dictate who, what, when, where, and how. Take control of your actions. Do not blame it on the black man or society ALL THE TIME. Sometimes it is you.

One of my closest females friends made this statement:

"too strong-minded to recognize our own faults, get so caught up in being better, different and independent that we enslave ourselves in the ignorance that we're better than what he/she want of us even if its what we should be doing for ourselves anyway"

What are you responsible for in your life? Is everything someone’s fault?

Some of you may question why I am focusing on the black woman? Well, I am a black woman and no offense I do not care about the social issues of the white, Asian, Latino, or other woman. Their issues are irrelevant to me. I am trying to empower and encourage my sisters, those who look like me. All I am saying and trying to stress is be accountable for your own actions. Take responsibility for the things you have done. STOP blaming everyone else for your problems.

BE ACCOUNTABLE!!!!

Photo Credit 1

Photo Credit 2

"Whip My Hair"

2010-09-10T14:39:00.002-04:00

I just had to interupt the regularly scheduled program so I can give a shout out to Ms. Willow Smith. Yes, she is a Smith because she is talented!!! Her newest single "whip my hair" is too cute and she is too cute and blah blah blah. She go "hard in the paint" (haha crack myself up)
It is to cute.. Check it out

And she signed to RocNation...
but doesn't the song sound a little like RiRi???

"For 2 days we walk as 1"

2010-09-10T02:55:00.004-04:00

The title is the slogan from the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. As some of you may know I participated in the walk last year as a volunteer. I fell in love with the advocacy work, the teamwork, the togetherness and decided to participate again this year. Initially, I signed up to walk but with that came a lot of responsibility. At the time I was unable to devote the time needed to adequately prepare and raise money. I had a lot going on with my personal life (school, work, internship, and a relationship). I eventually changed my status from a walker to a crew member (basically a fancy term for "volunteer"). As a crew member I am responsible for the behind the scene activities: registration, setting up, ensuring the walkers have what they need throughout the weekend.
I am looking for this year's event. I will write more as the days come closer and especially the weekend of the event.
I will also provide different statistics about breast cancer throughout the month of October.

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!

Feminism: Did it set us back?

2010-09-07T19:08:00.001-04:00

I love women. I love beautiful black women. I love the way we smell, the way we look, the way we talk, and the way we walk. We come in so many different sizes, shapes, and skin tones. We are so creative and have so many hairstyles. Some of us rock afros, twists, weaves, wigs, or dreads. My goal as a black woman has always been to encourage, empower, inspire, and educate my sisters young or old. We have had a long bumpy history. We have a lot of battle scars we are dealing with. We have come a long way from the fields of Africa.

Despite all this love I have for black women; ensuring we have the right to do what everyone else does. Would I consider myself a feminist... probably not. The feminist movement (inadvertently) allowed us brown women many opportunities. We were allowed to vote, to make our own decisions about our bodies, and work outside the home. We have equal rights compared to men. We do not have to stay home and be ‘barefoot and pregnant.”

As I read self proclaim "feminist" blogs I am rooting with them. I am rooting with them because they are my peers and I agree with what they are propounding yet I am saddened. I am saddened because as women we have tried so hard to gain independence and maintain the “Miss Independent” persona somehow we loss the essence of being a woman.

We have spent so much time trying to prove we can do it all and be “Superwoman.” We do not allow men to step up. We do not take time to show our feminine qualities and we think cooking for your mate is “reinforcing stereotypical gender roles of women.” When cooking for your man might just be a token to show how much you love an appreciate him.

As a woman, I love being treated like a woman. I love for my man to open doors, pay for dates, be a man yet I a woman. I am in no way saying my dating adventures have been this lovely because they have not. I am still pondering why I dated some of the guys I dated; but that is another post for another day.

As I was discussing with my male friends about why women should learn how to cook (not just for a man but as a tool for survival); they pose these thoughts and questions:

“Since we are talking about ‘reinforcing stereotypical gender roles’ is my gender role being reinforced when I am expected to pay for the date”

“So I guess you are able to change that tire by yourself as well as your oil”

“Why is the bookcase still sitting in the middle of the floor instead of the corner, oh it was too heavy for you to move?”

“Oh, so when do you plan on killing that spider that’s been in the hallway bathroom the past few weeks”

Despite the “gender role” concept we still expect our men to perform certain duties so why we get offended when they want the same from us?

In my argument that it is ok sometimes to perpetuate “stereotypical gender roles’ I am not trying to be a threat to the “strong black woman” or contribute to female oppression. I just want to bring this awareness to “strong black woman”. It is okay to exemplify the quintessence of being a woman without thinking you are subjecting yourself to “stereotypical gender roles.”

I love black women. I love being independent and taking care of my responsibilities. But because I also do not mind if my man open doors or pay for dates; I am weak?? By suggesting cooking for your man I am setting antiquated standards for today’s new millennium women???

Maybe I take “feminism” differently from other women because I observed my mom struggle to maintain her household. I saw her work to make sure I had everything I needed. I watch her come home and fall asleep with her work clothes on because she was too tired to get fully undressed. Because I saw all of these things growing up, I knew at an early age that I did not want to struggle the way she did. My mom was tired. She did not have time or energy to come to my various activities at school. I understood and respected that. I saw my mom play the role of mother and father. At a young age, I knew I wanted to be a woman and display all womanly characteristics. I would do what I had to do to ensure that I did not have to take on attributes of a man. I love being a woman. I do not have issues with doing “stereotypical gender roles.” Cooking or cleaning does not define Stacy Australia. I define, Stacy Australia.

As I finished up this article I am listening to a podcast from Your Sisterfriends “Bringing Femininity Back” and it is blowing my mind. These women are talking about how women lost their femininity, how women are spending so much time trying to play both roles of man and woman or we do not want to commit to “gender roles” because we think we are losing our value as women.

You are not losing your values as a woman if you decide to do feminine activities. I was 9 or 10 years old and I saw my mom mowing the grass. What?!? Even though I did not understand the significance of her mowing the grass at that young age; I knew it was something wrong. That is not a duty of a woman. Women are supposed to be taken care of regardless of what you may think as a feminist. You are a woman, a female, a lady. We have gotten so far away from being a lady that if a woman suggests you cooks then she is setting the feminist and women’s movement back. Wow, as women is it really that bad that we must always prove how strong we are? Who are you trying to prove that you are strong? Men? Other women? Yourself?

Once again I can not emphasize how much I love being a woman. I want to be taken care of by my man. I want to be loved and doted over. I want to do feminine activities and be the lady in my man’s life. I do not want to compete with him for ANYTHING. I want him to be the head of the household (but that will come along when I am married). I do not want to be “Superwoman” especially if I do not have to be. So if my peers think I am reinforcing stereotypical gender roles of women, I apologize but that is the way I feel, the way I think. Stop spending so much time trying to be hard and just allow yourself to be a woman.

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Photo Credit 2

"I got, I got, I got, I got your back boy..."

2010-09-04T13:00:00.004-04:00

So by now I know everyone has heard about the T.I & Tiny drama. I was going to write a post about being a "ride or die" chick but so many people has beat me to it. I do not want to beat a dead horse with a stick. If interested in what others have said check the "Blogs I read section."

P.S. If I would have had a more updated phone I would have been able to do something...

BTW donate to the StacyAustralia DROID X Foundation....

Reflections...

2010-09-02T01:36:00.009-04:00

My first article was posted on an online magazine on September 1, 2010. Yeah!!! I was so excited when I saw my article and my name in print. It was published on For Harriet:celebrating the fullness of black womanhood. For Harriet is a new and upcoming online magazine for women of color. When I say fairly new, I mean June of this year which is why I chose to pursue writing for them. Most of the articles I have read were
pre-written from writer's blogs.
I wanted to write original content instead of linking to my blog.

Since they were looking for columnist, I decided to write a weekly column entitled "Girl Please."

This is the description I provided them:

"Girl Please" is my brain-child I would like to share with your reading audience. I currently have regular conversations with my friends about various aspects of life when I state "Girl Please." Some of these conversations relate to pop-culture (including movies, music,and current events), sex, relationships, spirituality, family, friends and everything in between. I can ensure the column will remain live, fun, light-hearted, yet thought-provoking. It will keep the reader laughing but also thinking about ways she can change and improve her life.

I am not trying to get a Pulitzer Prize for writing this column. I wanted to try my hand at writing and getting published. I also wanted to try writing for different tones and audiences. I am trying to really identify my target audience and my niche. There are so many writers/bloggers doing the same thing (but this will be another post). When I decided to purse For Harriet, I knew I wanted to have a light hearted and fun column. I was not trying to be the next Toni Morrison or Alice Walker based off of this column.

My first column was titled "Girl Please!!! You want a man, but you can't cook". Pretty much fun not to much thinking etc etc. The first comment was unfavorable to the post. I am not going to consider any of my comments negative because honestly the person did not have to read it or leave a comment.

She said I was "reinforcing stereotypical gender roles of women." Interesting. So I responded yes, I focused on "cooking for your man." But overall as a grown woman you should know how to cook rather you are in a relationship or single. Then I had 2 favorable comments. Then I had another comment reinforcing the first unfavorable comment, just in more detail. It was pretty interesting. She questioned my age, said I was insulting to women who could not cook, and basically stated my views and thoughts were antiquated (I love that word). I did not respond to her comment. But if you ever read my blog, particularly this post, I am 27.

No disrespect to the For Harriet for giving me a chance to post my articles but once again I was not anticipating serious, deep, thought-provoking commentary. I planned for my articles to be fun and light-hearted. I wanted to spark controversy and get people talking. Do not misunderstand, I stand behind what I write without a doubt but some of what I say may be a little exaggerated. Yes, I feel like a woman should cook for her man (in moderation- let him do something as well) but no I do not think that will guarantee that he will not cheat or leave. I also feel like men do want a woman that is " supportive, honest, funny, smart, and could hold him down when things get rough" as my last commenter stated but in reality that does not guarantee he will stay either.

All in all read the column, comment on the column, enjoy the column but do not take it to serious. I plan on leaving the Pulitzer Prize (smile) winning stuff to my blog and another project I am pursuing.

Regardless of it all, I still feel as if you are a grown woman you should know how to cook, single or not!!!!

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Weight: Time to get up and get out and do something!!

2010-09-01T12:00:00.002-04:00

So what would you have done if this was you? What would you have felt? What would have you have thought?

Weight is an issue most women; especially black women deal with on a consistent basis; being to big or not big enough. I am overweight. According to the various height and weight charts, I am damn near obese. The weight I "should" be according to my height is 100lbs (yes, I said 100lbs) less than what I actually weigh. True, these height and weight charts may be biased considering your body build. Either way 100lbs or 50lbs, I still need to do something about my weight and my health.

As an adult, I have tried multiple times to lose weight. I loved being a member of the local YMCA, they had several activities I enjoyed. I would get off work at 5pm then go to the gym and work out. Why did I stop? I honestly do not know. I also was a member of Bally's Fitness as well as Curves. But with all the health clubs I joined I never actively changed my lifestyle.

Guys have always commented on my size stating I was 'curvy', 'thick', 'healthy'. Thanks, I appreciate the love but I am still overweight. I am honestly happy with my self but I know I can do better with my size. I should not get winded walking up stairs or walking at a fast pace. At my age, I should be a lot more physically active. I do not have the responsibilities other people may have (kids, hectic work and/or school schedule). It is just me and since I am no longer in graduate school I have more time to focus on my overall growth as a young woman. Not only do I need to become more physically fit, I also need to watch what I eat. My excuse use to be "Well since my schedule is so inconsistent I do not have time to cook, going to a drive-thru is so much more convenient." I can no longer use that excuse- I have absolutely nothing going on right now but work. Fitness is about prioritizing your life; setting your day a head of time so you can plan your meals for the day as well as planning time to work out. We can make changes in our lives by doing simple things; instead of waiting on the elevator take the stairs, instead of waiting on a parking spot- park further away and just walk.

I have set various health goals but have yet to complete any of them. I would always start a task then I lose motivation then quit. I am embarrassed to admit this but I am lazy. I prefer sitting around reading, writing, listening to music, and being online. But I need to "git up, git out and do something." I do not ever want to be in a situation where I am that person that is unable to ride on a roller coaster, have to pay more money for an airplane seat, or just one day not be able to actively play with my kids. I want to live a long and healthy life and not be the 30 year old who died from a stroke or a heart attack. Most health issues are a result of being overweight and/or being obese; high blood pressure, diabetes, and issues with breathing.

Check out some of these blog posts about weight:

Reasons Why We Justify the Fat: Let 's Come up with Some Solutions

Exercise Your Demons

And especially check out this blog dedicated to African American Women. This will definitely be my motivation and encouragement to help me improve my life A Black Girl's Guide to Weight loss

Why do you think weight is a big issue in the African American community? What are some of the reasons you think African Americans are so big? What are your beliefs and thoughts about your exercise regiment? Speak on it!!

Family Ties: Just because we have the same blood does not make us "Family"

2010-08-30T12:00:00.001-04:00

According to http://www.merriam-webster.com/, family is defined in various ways. Some of these definitions are listed below:

1) a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head

2) a : a group of persons of common ancestry
b : a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock

3) a : a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation

4) a : the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children;
b: any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family
c: spouse and children

But what really is a 'family?' As the title stated just because we have the same blood line does that make us 'family'? I have an interesting family, most of us do. I am the first person to graduate from college and then pursue a graduate degree. In my paternal family most of my cousins my age are married with children. Some were also teen mothers. In my maternal family my older cousin, aunts, and my mom were teen mothers. Of course they were also single moms.

Despite us being 'family' we are all different. I am different. I have tried to fit in but I can not. Well, I am not going to say I can not I am just tired of trying. When I go home, I feel so out of place. I have been told I had 'No common sense' but as a friend stated 'What is common for me may not be common for you'. Growing up I have had family members say some really shady things to me. See, I was expected to be a statistic. Not only by some of my family member's standards but also by the standards of the environment in which I lived. I attended all black schools in the "hood." Because of the area I grew up in I was considered 'at-risk.' Plus my mom was teen mother so I was expected to be one.

Two particular 'family' members would always say negative things to me as I was growing up:

"You ain't gonna never be nothing"

"You gonna be just like your momma"

" I don't want my daughter to be nothing like you, I don't even want her to be around you" (referring to my cousin of the same age).

As you can imagine these statements were very harmful for a child to hear especially coming from a grown up. But despite this negativity it pushed me harder. I was always expected to fail so I pushed and I pushed. I set goals and I did not allow anything to get in my way. I was never pregnant. I graduated high school with honors, I went on to college with a scholarship, I graduated college and became a productive member of society. Wanting to further my education I went back to school and pursued another degree.

Me ignorantly thinking I am succeeding in life (heed the sarcasm) was hit with more negativity from other family members.

"You think you are all that because you got a degree"

"You think you so smart"

"You think you better than us because (fill in the blank)"

So it seems I can not win for losing. I have done everything but yet I am still being judge and spoken to negatively by the people who are supposed to love me endlessly; my 'family.' No matter what I did it was never good enough.

I never thought I was better than anyone. I was Stacy, nothing has changed about me but my education level. But as I reminisce, I was a loner when I was growing up and mainly stayed to myself. I read, I wrote, listened to music, and participated in extracurricular activities. I did not feel connected to anyone until my brother started dating my now sister-in-law.

Recently, I have been degraded again by another family member who I thought would never say anything negative towards me, but as they say "never say never." Despite the fact I have graduated with a masters degree I am still in transition; job searching and getting finances back on track. For those of you who have never been to graduate school it is hard. You have to rearranged you life in order to maintain your job, your classes, as well as your classwork and if you are in the social sciences you will have to complete an internship. I was in graduated school 3 years. I recently graduated and I am searching for a job. While I was in graduate school I maintained a job but I never got paid close to what I am worth with a bachelors or masters degree.

I am readjusting trying to find a job and get my life back on track. But apparently it is not fast enough for one particular family member. I would have never thought this person would say these things to me but he did.

"What are you on drugs or something, is that why you don't have any money?"

"You think you are all that because you have these degrees"

"You think you are so smart but you are stupid."

"Where your degree at, I don't even think you graduated"

"You just feel like somebody owe you something"

Ha-Ha, all I can do is laugh. Initially, I was hurt, angered, sadden, upset but I got over it. It amazes me that this particular person does not even know me. You really think I would do some of these things ? Really??? Have you ever met me?

The adage states "blood is thicker than water.", really is it? If these are the things your 'family' say to you and about you- why deal with them? I can meet someone off the street who I have absolutely no ties with to talk shit to me. The stranger off the street insults may even be more warranted because they do not know me. For your 'family' to same harmful and hurtful things to you is the lowest especially if it is not deserved.

So despite these blood ties the people I consider family are my friends. The ones who I have no biological ties to but they know me, they know my character, and would never say those things to or about me. My friends have been the ones I was able to turn to when I was down and out and needed a hug or even a simple prayer. My friends were the ones to help me maintain my sanity throughout the time I was in graduate school and the times I was dealing with crazy ass guys. These are my family. Regardless if we are tied by blood or not, they are my family.

They have been there for me and have continued to be there for me as I transition from a graduate student into a professional again. When my 'family' told me "No, Stacy I will not help you" (Note: "I will not help you" instead of "I can not help you at this time") my friends said "Stacy, I will find a way to help you" See the difference.

Some of you may have ideal families but most of us do not. So if you have the loving family, I applaud you, congratulate you, and even a little jealous of you. For those of you who have the negativity stemming from your 'family', I say love them because they are your 'family' but honestly you do not have to deal with them. Family is so much more than the word 'family' it is so much more than the blood flowing through your veins. It is about the people who uplift you when you are down. People who know you well enough to never accuse you of doing drugs (wtf, still stuck on that one). It is about people who understand you even when you are not saying anything, these are the people I call my 'family' and these are the people who are my friends.

'Family' means various things to each of us. What do 'family' means to you? How have your 'family' relations contributed to the person you have become today?
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Book Review: Bitch is the New Black by Helena Andrews

2010-08-28T02:15:00.001-04:00

I did not want to read this book, I really didn't. They said it was just a book about an unhappy "successful, single, educated, black woman." "They" said she was only complaining about not having a man. So because of all of these statements I refused to read her book.

I hated Helena Andrews and I hated her book. But I did not even know her. I am also a "successful, single, educated, black woman" and personally I was tired of hearing my peers (successful, single, educated black women" ages 25-35) complaining about not having a man or not having a "good man", or a man who was their "intellectual equal." My sentiments were "Are you processing the qualities and desires you are looking for if not shut up."

I had all these negative thoughts about Helena Andrews until I read Sister Toldja's book review on http://www.thebeautifulstruggler.com/. This review encouraged me to read Helena's book. Even then I was skeptical but I have read previous works of Sister Toldja's and felt I could trust her opinion.

I read the book....

AND I LOVED IT!!!!!

I love Helena Andrews. She is now officially my "friend in my head". I do not understand where the negative reviews came from (but of course they were reviews by men). I understood her struggle as it related to family, friends, college, work, and transitioning and adjusting into being a "successful, single, educated black woman."

I was her; she was me and my other peers (just with better stories). Despite what people think it is hard being a "successful, single, educated black woman." Forget what the media say because they do not know. The ones who are writing these articles, stories, completing studies are not us. They are not black women in their late 20s to early 30s trying to adjust from graduate school, "finding self" (or whatever that means), beginning their careers, or looking for love (or waiting for love to find them depending on your school of thought).

Helena empowered me and inspired me. She did hold anything back, she gave it to you raw and I loved it. She told you about the interesting but loving relationship with her lesbian mother Frances. I really enjoyed their bonding time because it shows regardless of sexuality or being a single parent it is still possible to raise a successful child.

Helena discuss the issue that many college girls deal with; abortion. I felt as if I was on the couch with her and Frances as Frances described her experience with an abortion also at age 19.

Of course Helena talked about her various ups and downs with me but it was not the gist of the books as some of the reviews portrayed. In your late 20s you will have the 1 man you love and want to be with but either you or him just can not get it together. You may have the guy when you think about him all you can think is "What the hell was I thinking dating him." Sometimes you will date the guy whose sex is good and he was stupid or the sex was bad but he stimulated you in every other way possible.

Some may call Helena "homophobic" because of her and "Dude" (her best friend Gina) thought on men and their "gayness." Ironically the night before I penned this post I was having a conversation with one of my BFF a gay male. He stated "black women will have to get use to the thought that it will be a possibility that their man will probably have had dealings with another man."

I do not think of her as a "homophobic" but a realist. From the conversation with my BFF and other incidents; black women will have to consider that in our dating experiences. How many of us women can actually say we were never curious or never experimented with women?

All together Bitch is the New Black is a wonderful book. I really enjoyed getting to know Helena. She really made me think about my life and how I want my story to play out. I want to thank Helena for sharing her story thus far. I am sincerely sorry for not initially giving the book a chance. I am glad I have my own mind and march to the beat of my own drum and took a chance and read the book.

My last point....

READ THE BOOK!!!!

Expectations: Yours or Society's

2010-08-23T04:23:00.009-04:00

Many times we based what we want and need in a relationship on what "society" say we SHOULD WANT AND NEED. This is especially for women. Ladies, really be honest with yourself, how many of you really like flowers and chocolate? If you like flowers, how many of you like roses? Do roses even smell good? According to one of my favorite rap groups Outkast "roses really smell like boo boo"

We all have our likes and dislikes. If we acknowledge our likes and dislikes in our relationships it will definitely eliminate all the unnecessary drama. Let's just be real.

It is okay if you don't want roses but want daisies instead. It is even okay if you don't want flowers at all but want a 6-pack of Heineken or even a bottle of Riesling.

We play a lot of unnecessary games with each other when it comes to relationships. If all you want to do is f**k, just let him know and be upfront about it. There is nothing worse than pretending to want a relationship when all you want is some sex. It will save both of you a lot of time if you were just upfront.

Even if you want to be in the deep, loving, and fulfilling relationship just let him know. Don't be scared. Whats that adage: "a closed mouth don't get fed" Speak up!!!!

Personally, I do not like roses (if you haven't already figured that out). I am also not a big fan of chocolate. I want Mike & Ikes, Lemonheads, Sour patch etc. I do appreciate when a man opens a door for me. I think it is sweet but a lot of chicks may not like it. If you have a nice singing voice, PLEASE sing to me (I promise you will receive your reward at a later time)

Everybody don't do the club scene but may prefer a bar or a lounge. Some may even prefer to "house date" (see definition below) every once in awhile.

Does he really have to be tall, dark, and handsome?? Really?? Side Note: Do us black women even think "tall, dark, and handsome"?

StacyAustralia does not really have a "type" of guy I date. As I looked back over my dating years, none of my guys have any similarities other than the fact they were African American.
I did have a thing for dark skin tall guys. Why? In my opinion, the quintessence of a black man is the "the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice" I wanted you to look like you came straight out of the jungles of Africa. But I can count on one hand how many guys I have dated that even looked like that. Despite that being my preference (when I was younger), I never turned a guy down because he did not have those qualities. Ironically one of the guys I dated who I am still friends with is damn near white (never saw that coming) and I am not talking about just skin complexion but actual blood line.

Not only do we get caught up on what he does for you and skin complexion; we also get caught up on age. My friends call me a "Panther" a cougar in training (it's a trademark, so don't steal it). Over the past few years years I have developed an interest in younger guys. I am now 27 (I was 26, when I actually wrote this- just had a birthday) and I liked guys between the ages of 21 and 25. Why? I really had no clue.

Maybe it was because of their youthfulness. I like to have fun, I want to have fun. I'll play Xbox all day. I will watch cartoons, I will wrestle- whatever. Yeah, they may also be full of shit. That is cool on to the next one. I also think I dated younger guys because it was safer. I didn't have to think about my future: settling down and getting married. Don't get me wrong some younger guys are mature but the ones I date are not thinking about marriage. I am cool with that because I would never married them or have kids.

Another area we get caught up on when it comes to dating is education/occupation. I am not going to spend to much time on this because I have probably wrote about this before and there are already several blogs, articles, studies about it. Us, educated black women tend to be bourgeois . We tend to think because "I have my Masters degree etc etc" that my man will also have his Masters degree. Ladies, ladies, ladies, remember when you were in graduate school, did you look around your classes? Did you notice there wasn't an abundance of African American males. I know especially for my Masters program, I was surrounded by women with one of two males in every other class (my Masters is in Social Work).

Yeah, I know we all have standards and that damn "list" (that is definitely an upcoming post) of things we want in a mate but is it really that serious. It is okay if your BFF is dating an Engineer (who is treating her like crap #justsaying) and you are dating a correctional officer (who treats you like a queen). That is cool.

So to sum up all my words THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX!!!! Do what you feel!! Don't do what is acceptable by society if it is not acceptable by you (but of course keep it legal). So if that new college graduate at your job is looking good go ask him out. If you want to open the door for your man then do it. If you have a crush on your local UPS guy, approach him. If your first date is a "house date", so what (but be aware of EVERYTHING that could happen). If all you want to do is f**k him, just tell him (but be safe).

DO YOU!!!!! BE YOU!!!!

House Date: The acting of dating within the your home. Example: The guest will come over with food or drinks or you may cook. This eating may lead to lounging on the couch watching TV which may further lead to the bedroom.... HOUSE DATE WITH CAUTION!!!!!

Welcome Back

2010-08-18T01:30:00.009-04:00

Hey people,

Sorry I haven't been here in awhile but life has happened!!! But I am realizing just because life happens; do not allow those problems to take you away from your dreams and your goals. For those who know me, know my passion is and has always been writing. Sometimes I am full-force with it, sometimes I am blah. But despite the fact my writings do not always make it to Natural Bloggings of a Young Social Worker it does not mean I have stopped writing. I always have stuff running through my head and as long as I have a pen (because I will write on the back of anything) or my phone is not dead (the notes app on my BlackBerry) I will forever write. I have had full blog post written out in my dreams as I sleep at night but unfortunately a lot of times when I wake I forget what was going on... oh well.

So writing is my passion, writing is my life, writing is my dream. My biggest challenge is deciding what type of writing I want to do or what type or writer I would like to become. I do not know what type of writing I want to pursue. I do not really see myself as a fiction writer unless I am writing short stories. But even if I am writing short stories I want to be the next Zora Neale Hurston, Alice Walker, or Toni Morrison. I do not foresee this at the moment either way.

I think non-fiction is more my thing. Do not know... I love writing essays. Is there a such thing as an essayist? Do I want to eventually want to become a pop-culture journalist? political commentator? eventually own a magazine? I do not know. I figure once I determine what type of writer I want to become I can then write for that purpose.

Despite it all I need to stay focus and continue to work on my brand regardless of what may be going on in my life. The only way I can achieve my ultimate goal of owning my own business and really doing the work I love and enjoy is by writing. Not just write but write and build my brand. Writing will then lead to speaking engagements. Speaking engagements will then lead to something else that will then lead to $$$$. If you are getting paid to do something you love is it really work?!?!

So I have to stay on the grind, hustle, work hard, stay focused. Regardless of ANYTHING I have to continue writing, continuing building my brand on Facebook and twitter. I want to write I want to speak- this the only way I can achieve my ultimate goal- FREEDOM (as it relates to not working for others)!!!

Things I was told...

2010-07-29T05:42:00.003-04:00

I was told I date younger guys, "thugs" or guys without degrees because they are not a challenge.
I was told I don't want a challenge I rather have it easy...
I was told I was scared of being "wifed" up so I do not date guys who are even "marriage potential".
I was told I don't know what I want out of life and maybe I need to take some time to think about it...
I was told I was "cocky"
I was told I was "competitive"
I was told I gave the impression that I was "uptight", "boughie", "stuck-up"
I was told I am mean and I don't care what I say
I was told I am all over the place
I was told I talked to much and I dominate conversations
I was told I had a strong personality and was too abrasive

I know it is more but these are all the things I was told in the last year....
I don't know how I feel about some of it. I guess some may be true, some may be an exaggeration, and some may be a flat out lie. A lot of these statements were solicited and some were involuntarily given. I am not trying to play the victim but it seems people are taking time out to scrutinized Stacy when they have their own issues. I am not offended by anything that was said or described to me, it is what it is. I agree with most of the statements.

I guess I am saying we need to start doing inventories of ourselves. Sometimes we have to ask for feedback. I know it is a lot of things I do that bother others. If I didn't ask those around me some of the flaws they see in me, I could never grow. I am constantly growing and changing and as I grow and change their are things about myself I do not like. So I try to talk to those I love and trust to give me feedback as well as ways to improve and adjust.

Live is a learning process...
Ask for feedback about yourself, it doesn't hurt to find out some of the things your loved ones see wrong with you even if you disagree

Throwback Thursday!!!

2010-07-29T00:00:00.000-04:00

Ok this song makes me feel some type of way!! It is so sensual and sexual that it just... OOOOOOHHH!!! I can't explain it. I might have to write a blog alone about this....

Throwback Thursday!!

2010-07-22T00:00:00.000-04:00

I saw this video for the first time a few weeks ago and I was like DAMN!!! I always loved Triple T and they are in heavy rotation on my Ipod but I have never seen this video. (Too racy for a youngster)

Throwback Thursday!!!

2010-07-15T00:00:00.000-04:00

Two-fer Tuesdays

2010-07-13T00:00:00.002-04:00

"I'm a rowdy chick, sometimes I have to fight cuz my mouth so slick" that's a bad line right there!!! Whoo

Soulful Sunday

2010-07-11T00:00:00.002-04:00

Once again it is hard trying to find a gospel video.

Ramblings

2010-07-08T16:14:00.005-04:00

I have been sitting here trying to figure out what to write. I think I am just going to put my emotions and feelings out there and go with it. I know what I want to do with my life and I know how to do it but I just haven't done it. Right now I am a little bit anxious about things that are going on and writing has fell back. Mainly because I love to talk and I am afraid I may say to much and put all of my business out there. So I have been keeping the blog to a minimum because I don't want to offend anybody in my life. I have been hurt and angered in the last few months and even though I like to talk I don't want to put anybody I love(d) on blast like that. So I have been kind of biting my tongue.

Not only that I am just a little bit frustrated because things are not happening fast enough. I know I posted a blog about job etc etc. But I moved so I need more money which means I need another job or a better position at my current job (which doesn't seem to be happening). So I am once again job searching I just need more money. I have a lot of things I want to do but do not have the money to finance any of it. Oh well that's life.

I actually have several post I started but never finished or never submitted. My heart was no longer in it and if I don[t feel the post in my spiritanymore I can no longer post it. Oh well, I hope I get it together soon because right now its some real bad anxiety.

It's all good it is not as bad as anything I have experienced before. This is mainly "post-grad anxiety" I just got it later than everyone else. :-)

Deuces!!!

Throwback Thursday!!!

2010-07-08T00:00:00.000-04:00

Soul on Fire by Skyy Banks

2010-07-07T15:00:00.000-04:00

First of all I had the pleasure of getting to spend an afternoon with Ms. Skyy Banks and know the woman behind the book. Skyy is a very beautiful and inspiring young woman and I am glad I had a chance to meet her. I look forward to following her career in the future.

Soul on fire was an excellent book about a taboo subject that has plague the African American (and probably other) cultures for centuries; the concept of childhood molestation. The protagonist in the book is a successful young African American woman named Dana. She has the education, the money, the elegance, the class but her relationships with others are strained; especially her relationships with men.

As Dana deal with her tumultuous relationship with men she is also having these recurring dreams about her childhood she is trying to identify. Over time Dana is able to identify this repressed memory from reading her deceased sister's journals as well as the help of her psychiatrist. Dana is able to confront those who have hurt her in the past and move on.

That was a brief summary of the book, let me tell you how I felt about the book. I loved the it!!! I saw myself in some of the relationships Dana had with men, some of the choices she made. I thank God I was able to get out of some of the situations I have been in with men. I realized that some girls are not that lucky.

I feel this book really show how things that occurred in our childhood can affect us as adults. A lot of times in our culture there are things we just do not talk about within our families. We here the stories about "Uncle so-and-so" or "Aunt so-and-so" but we never know the details. It is just part of the family "secrets" that are never addressed.

Skyy did an excellent job in showing how we can "have it all" but yet still be broken. She showed how sometimes you have to push through even though sometimes you are on your face crying and screaming wanting to know "Why me?!?"

The book was a good read and was very descriptive. I could feel Dana's pain, confusion, anger throughout the course of the book. I honestly do not have anything negative to say about the book. The book did have a few typos but it was not enough to take away from the storyline.

I recommend this book to anyone who wants to take a closer look at their lives (past, present, and future) by examining Dana's self-journey. You may see yourself in some of the choices and decisions she made. You may think "Oh, I will never be that stupid" Never say Never. As long as you live things will occur good or bad.

Good book, easy to ready!!! You need to get a copy!!!

You can learn more about Skyy Banks and her works on

www.skyybanks.com and www.urbanedgepublishing.com

My slackness/ My apologies

2010-07-07T14:48:00.003-04:00

I have been so slack about posting lately. I apologize sincerely. I have had a lot of life stuff going on so I haven't had time to give my blog the attention it deserves. I know for you new followers you may be thinking all she post are videos and other people's post. No, no that is not how I get down. I am original, I have my own thoughts and I post my own writings.

I plan on getting back on top of this ASAP. Writing is my love, writing is my passion so how can I expect to write a book if I can't maintain a blog :-) As I was typing this I realized I need to stop reading other people's blogs, books, and writings and focus on mine. So bare with me people, I have a lot going on but I will be back in full blast within the next week.

Uplift.Inspire.Encourage

Peace & Blessings

Happy to be Nappy

Sistahs, Don’t: Be Afraid to Shine! — theFreshXpress.com — The PULSE of Young Black America

2010-07-06T08:00:00.000-04:00

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies

I feel a lot of times we get caught up on stupid "ish." We don't want to do that because we are scared of what people will think or what people will say. Who Cares?! This is your life!!! YOU have to take control of it instead of letting other people control it. Be the Best you can be!!! BE all you can be!! I am not going to go to much into my soapbox because this article explains exactly how I feel. Hope you read and enjoy!!!

Sistahs, Don’t: Be Afraid to Shine! — theFreshXpress.com — The PULSE of Young Black America: "Sistahs, Don’t: Be Afraid to Shine!
by Brittany Collins on July 2, 2010"

Five Steps to Loving the Single Life | Clutch Magazine: The Digital Magazine for the Young, Contemporary Woman of Color

2010-07-06T07:00:00.000-04:00

Ladies, I think this is an excellent article to read!!! I feel some of us get so caught up in the "woe is me" I am single mode that we do not take this time out to get to know ourselves and learn the things we like and dislike. Honestly, who do you think will want to be alone with you if you do not want to be alone with yourself. WE MUST LOVE OURSELVES, before we can expect anybody else to love us!!! We are have underlying issues we need to work on internally as well as relationships with friends and family. Take this time as a single woman to work on those things and STOP worrying about "being alone" or " I don't have a man." Who Cares!!!!! Love yourself first, do the things you want to do when you want to do them. BE YOU!!!

Five Steps to Loving the Single Life | Clutch Magazine: The Digital Magazine for the Young, Contemporary Woman of Color

Two-fer Tuesdays

2010-07-06T00:00:00.005-04:00

By the Way...

2010-07-04T19:59:00.002-04:00

Happy Independence Day!!!!!

This shows it is never to late to pursue your dreams or accomplish your goals. Go Mary!!!!

2010-07-04T18:31:00.002-04:00

Apologies again

2010-07-04T17:51:00.003-04:00

Hey guys, I do not know what is up with the videos when I post them. When I hit preview everything is all good but the date it is supposed to post the videos are enormous. If you do not see the difference disregard this message. But for those who saw how large the "Lean on me" video was then you know what I am talking about.

Soulful Sunday

2010-07-04T00:00:00.002-04:00

Throwback Thursday!!

2010-07-01T00:00:00.001-04:00

Frustration/Checking it

2010-06-30T22:48:00.003-04:00

I am going to be honest, I am pretty pissed off about something that is going on in my life. So I am trying my best to find the adult way to handle it instead of taking it old school and rolling my eyes and stomping my feet.

Some people are truly your friends some may just be your friends out of convenience.

I am really sleepy right now so I can't even finish this post. I am really trying to get back on a regular schedule but my world has been all over the place. Hopefully in a few days I will be on a schedule so I will not be sleepy when I am really trying to express some feelings (because I really need to write now).

Life's hard, deal with it

I have a crazy schedule next few days so I will try to have something by Saturday.

Two-fer Tuesdays Apologies

2010-06-30T22:24:00.002-04:00

Sorry everybody I did not realize the Maxwell videos were so huge! When I previewed it a few weeks ago when I was getting my videos together for Two-fer Tuesdays, it did not look that large. Once again I apologize, as you can see I already reset it for those who are just signing on.

Two-fer Tuesdays

2010-06-29T00:00:00.001-04:00

This song has always done somthing to me.... Maxwell, Maxwell...

Checking In...

2010-06-27T18:40:00.004-04:00

Hello everyone,

I am still in the process of moving and trying to get settled. I just wanted to bless you with my presence ;-) and drops some words because I can not stand leaving my blog unattended. It is like I am neglecting it and it hurts my soul. But I will have some post ready this week, some things for you to think about as you go throughout your journey.

Right now my challenge for you is to do one random act of kindness during the week something as simple as letting someone pull in front of you while driving, buying someone a drink (beverage ex water) , or opening up a door. Do you think you can handle it?

Talk to you lovely people later

Uplift.Inspire.Encourage

Soulful Sunday

2010-06-27T00:00:00.000-04:00

Good Bye, Rock Hill, SC

2010-06-25T10:00:00.000-04:00

Honestly I had multiple outlines of this post. I looked over the outlines and realized I was trying to do to much. Also my "writing spirit" lost interest in those posts and felt it was unnecessary.

I kept trying to break down my life here in Rock Hill but really who the hell cares!!! I lived here from 2001- 2010. Yeah, I have some very juicy stories I could tell but my blog is not a gossip site. I do not write to tell my business I write what I feel is necessary to empower/enlighten others. Anyways most of that stuff is old, I refuse to give you a time line of when I first came to Rock Hill, when I did this or when I did that.

All I really want to say is regardless of how much crap I have talked about this place in the last few months, I love Rock Hill. This place was home to me for 9 years and nothing can ever change that. I basically became a young adult here. I was barely 18 when I moved here in August of 2001. I met some of my closest friends at Winthrop University and I am still close to them now almost 10 years later.

After graduating, I have met some incredible guys while living here. Some I may still be in contact with while others I am not (well actually, I do not think I talk to any of them but oh well). Despite things not working out with them I will never forget them because they help contribute to who I am today.

But just like it was time for me to journey on from Winthrop, or journey on from those relationships, it is time for me to journey on from Rock Hill. I do not want to give the impression that I am leaving because I do not like this city (even though some days I really did not like this city), I am leaving because my time is up. I feel God's purpose for me here is done. There are no more lessons to learn, no more goals to accomplish, no more tasks to complete. I'm done. So it is time to move on to my next adventure; regardless it is only Charlotte, NC, 30 minutes away it is still a new city and a new state.

So I am saying goodbye to Rock Hill, SC. I love you. You made me who I am today. Without my time here I would not be Stacy Australia.

I thank you for everything.

Goodbye.

(These are not my pictures they came straight from Internet)

What does Barack Obama Have in Common with 50 Cent?

2010-06-24T15:01:00.003-04:00

Don't let the title fool you!! This is a very good short documentary entitled Barack & Curtis: Manhood, Power, and Respect by film maker Byron Hurt.

(Side Note: This is the reason I want to do documentaries...)

Throwback Thursday!!

2010-06-24T00:00:00.001-04:00

Spritual love

2010-06-23T02:30:00.000-04:00

So I was driving the other day listening to my new favorite man Dwele. I can not recall which song I was listening to but it sparked something in me. It made me think about all the guys I dated. Honestly, most of the guys I dated was not even worth my time but that is another post. So I went through the list of guys I have dated. Some I have had wonderful relationships with some I had blah relationships and some "I wish I never met her at all" (but replace 'her' with a 'him'- that was a shout to Carl Thomas, please keep up). I had great sexual connections, physical connections, emotional connections, and mental connections but that Dwele song made me realize I NEVER HAD A SPIRITUAL CONNECTION.

I am not just talking about "Thank you, Jesus", Holy Ghost connection but something so much more. I do not necessarily believe in soul mates but maybe this is what I am trying to describe. I think it may be more similar to the connection they say twins have. If one twin is hurt then the other twin can feel the pain.

This person knows me just as well as I know myself and vice versa. I can feel his pain as he feels my pain. It's not just about completing each other sentences it is about sitting with one another silently but still having a conversation. We connect and we can talk for hours about nothing. Not that he completes me or I complete him (because I am already whole ;-) but he add more to who I am as a woman and I add more to who he is as a man. People say "I'm not a mind reader, I can't read your thoughts"- but we can read each other thoughts, feel each other's pain.

What's that famous line from As Good as it Gets, "You make me want to be a better man"

I make him want to be a better man and he makes me want to be a better woman. He challenges me to think outside myself and I challenge him to do the same. I guess when I feel these feelings then I'll know the one I am with is "The One"

I do not normally do this, but I am going to post this unfinished post, this unfinished thought. Describing and explaining this "spiritual love" is so complicated that I can not even put it into words. I am just going to leave this post as is....

Interview with Vogue, Author of Diamonds in the Rough

2010-06-22T07:00:00.000-04:00

First of all I know you by your government name. I did not begin to know you as Vogue until I began reading your blog. What is the significance of the pseudonym?
I decided to use a pseudonym instead of my real name because I wanted to create a brand for myself. I wanted something that was catchy yet simple. I felt that people are more likely to remember “Vogue” than “April L. Blanding.”

Why did you choose this specific name?
When I think of the word vogue, my mind automatically connects it with the phrase, “strike a pose.” Although the phrase is commonly associated with fashion, to me, “strike a pose” had a different connotation. I took the phrase more so as “taking a stand.” The phrase inspired me to walk out on faith and take chances. Taking chances is what led me to having a published novel.

How and/or Why did you begin writing?
I started writing when I was in high school. My sister’s best friend was writing a novel and I figured that I could do the same thing. Once I started, it was something that I fell in love with. One thing I’ve learned about writing is that it gives you control. At times, we can’t control what’s going on in our personal lives, but with writing, you can control everything. You are basically creating your own fantasy world.

Why did you choose this specific genre of book? My favorite genre to read is street lit. I fell in love with the genre after reading books by Sistah Souljah, Donald Goines, Ashley & Jaquavis, and Noire, to name a few. The world described in these books was so much different than the life I led. I always said that if I wrote a book, I wouldn’t want it to be similar to my life in anyway. I would prefer to stretch my imagination then write from experience.

What motivated you to write this book?
As an avid reader, I wanted to see something different in urban fiction/ street lit. I was so used to seeing the female protagonists living in the projects or “ghetto,” and I felt there was a need for a different kind of character. I wanted to read about a female who was born in an upper class household with supportive parents instead of the absentee father or drug addicted mother. I felt that storylines like this was missing in urban fiction.

How long did it take to write this book?
I started working on Diamonds in the Rough in 2003 as a freshman in college. It went through eight different versions before I settled on the draft that you all are reading now. I started that draft in 2006 and finished it in the summer of 2007.

Are you or anyone you know based off the characters in the book?
Well, not personality-wise, maybe physically. However, I will not go into specifics because I would like the reader to form their own visual for the characters. The only connection that I have to the book is that Carmen and I both possess the same ambitious spirit. We both are “I want it right now” kind of girls. I must say, there is one scene in the book that was 100% fiction when I wrote it in 2006. This year, about 30% of it became true. To protect the other party, I won’t go into specifics of which scene it is.

Could you explain the journey from idea in your head to this actual book I am holding in my hand?
Diamonds in the Rough first came about through a dream. In the dream, my thoughts and emotions were being controlled by my lover’s hazel eyes. Not wanting to write a science fiction-based novel, I decided to incorporate the dream into an urban fiction book. Once I started writing, the characters seem to come to life on their own.

Why did you choose to make this a series?
Well, I knew from writing the book that there was going to be a sequel because of how I wanted the book to end. As I started writing the sequel, I started getting more ideas of things I wanted to write about. I figured that instead of coming up with new characters, new settings, etc., that I could use the same characters/setting and simply have their lives flow to discuss other topics (ex: drug abuse, rape, poverty, the music industry).

Why the number 10?
Although seven is the number of completion, I simply felt that ten would be a good number to stop at. However, I’m not sure if I am the first African-American author to have a ten book series. If I’m not, I’m willing to extend the series just to break a record.

What is your biggest inspiration as a writer?
My parents are my biggest inspiration. I was taught at a very young age that I can do whatever I put my mind to. They always encouraged me to reach for the stars. I live to make them proud.

What roadblocks or challenges did you face in getting this book publish?
To be honest, the only roadblock or challenge that I had was me. There are a ton of publishing companies out there that take submissions without an author having a literary agent. I am discovering them all now. I could have submitted to them, but I guess it is all about timing. Sometimes, I sit here and think to myself, “Dang, I possibly could’ve been a published author months ago!” I just had to get myself to that point to take that chance.

What advice do you have for aspiring writers?
Life is all about taking chances. You will never know the outcome until you walk out on faith. Even if one door shuts in your face, another one will soon open. Stay focused on your goals!

Any other interesting facts you would like to share with the reader?
Here’s a freebie, The Diamond Collection is not the first book series I’ve written. When I was in high school, I had a series entitled Urban Drama.

Two-fer Tuesdays

2010-06-22T00:00:00.003-04:00

OMG, I use to LOVE Ludacris when I was in high school!!! (Still do actually, :-)

I am going to be honest, I have yet to hear this song or watch this video. I use to be a big fan of Trey Songz but he's on everything like T. Pain use to be. I'm overdosed on "Trigger". No, I probably will not be watching his show either. (He's still talented no doubt)

Sara Kruzan: Sentenced to Life Without Parole at Age 16

2010-06-21T21:30:00.001-04:00

Something I came across I wanted to share with you guys. What are your thoughts? Please leave comments.

Summer Summer Summertime!!!

2010-06-21T06:00:00.000-04:00

"Summertime,
And the livin' is easy
Fish are jumpin'
And the cotton is high

Your daddy's rich
And your mamma's good lookin'
So hush little baby
Don't you cry..."- Porgy and Bess

I have to admit, it is hot as hell outside. I have said this multiple times during the week but there is nothing like Carolina heat. This "ish" is ratchet!!! Maybe because I live on the border I feel the hotness both ways (North and South Carolina). The other day I was driving down the street with the air on blast and the sun still burnt my leg.

Regardless of my first degree burn (just kidding), the sweaty arm pits, sticky forehead-I LOVE THE SUMMER. It is a time of rejuvenation to me (and my birthday is in the summer-August 5). Ironically as I was writing this Carl Thomas's "Summer Rain" came up in rotation on my Ipod-was that a premonition to my summer?.

I always seem to have free time during the summer (Duh) and I am able to do more and really enjoy myself. I am able to go places, meet people, do stuff, and just live. Plus the best songs come out during the summer!!! Don't look at me crazy but you know we all have "Summer Flings" or "Summer Boos" we roll with tight during the summer but when Fall arrive we are like "Deuces"

This is my Summer PSA!!!!

You are young (or old), enjoy your summer!!! Please do not sit in the house with that b.s. line "It ain't nothing to do" or "It's hot". It is something to do somewhere, have you looked? And most places do have air conditioning. Get out of the house and do something!!!! Meet people go to the library- READING IS FUNDAMENTAL. No, you do not always have to spend money because there are a lot of things that you can do for free, especially in the metro areas. Even if you have to get a group of your friends together and have a weekly "game night" DO SOMETHING. I have a lot of summer activities I plan to partake in especially now since I am moving to a larger area. I actually experienced my first activity on Saturday (read post Pre-Charlotte Experience).

How about you? Do you have anything plan for the summer? If not, what do you plan on doing to change that?

Summer Summer Summertime

2010-06-21T00:00:00.002-04:00

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You can not begin the summer without hearing this classic!!! Hope you guys have a wonderful summer ahead, I hope mine is the best. Peace, Love, and Blessings

What about the fathers? It is Father's Day

2010-06-20T00:00:00.003-04:00

Today is Father's day. If I did not have an active father in my life, I do not think I would have remembered or even known it was Father's day. As I went throughout my life journeying here journeying there from store to store, you would have never known it was Father's Day. I understand that everyone is not blessed to have a good father in their lives but I feel for those fathers who have :Man-up" and take care of their responsibilities. I feel these fathers should have a little more recognition. When Mother's Day is near, people begin preparing and planning at the end of March/beginning of April. You have the jewelry sale, the discounted trips, the balloons, etc etc. But what do we do for the fathers? A card, a belt, some fishing equipment you buy the day before?

Well, I love my daddy!!! I would have not been the woman I am if I did not have my daddy in my life. Not just "my daddy" but this particular man that God deemed to be my father. I know people have all these misconceptions about the father being in the household. There are so many misconceptions that I do not even know where I want to start. (You guys just think about the ones you know.) My dad told me at a very young age, I was beautiful. So I grew up knowing I was beautiful and I was loved. I never had low self esteem because I knew I was special. So I never looked to a man to make me feel good about myself (now I do have other issues with men :-). My daddy made me feel good to be a black woman.
Even though my parents were not together when I was growing up I still saw my dad and he still took care of me. If I had an event, he was there. If I needed discipline he was there. My dad was VERY ACTIVE in my life and still is.

Once again I understand everybody was not lucky to have the experience I had with my dad. But I do think those active fathers should get a lot more recognition. I know several guys my age who are wonderful fathers! This one guy in particular worked 2 and 3 jobs to make sure his daughter have the things she need. I really admire this because (some) guys my age do not seem to be able to stand up and be a man and take care of their responsibilities. They have the babies then they leave the mom to fend for herself.

I LOVE MY DADDY!!! I would not trade him for anything. I can count on him when I need it. I know I can talk to him about anything (even though I don't- but that is my fault).

I just want to give love to all those fathers who are out there doing what they are suppose to do. There are good Fathers out there and if you know one or have one, let them know how you feel. Take time out to say I am proud of you (especially the young brothas) let them know you see them taking care of their responsibilities. Sometimes they may get discouraged or get tired so reach out to them. If there is anything you can do to help them, please help them. They work so hard to defy those stereotypes and not be the "dead beat dad", they deserve love to.

(I don't have any pictures of my daddy saved to my computer, sorry)

Soulful Sunday

2010-06-20T00:00:00.000-04:00

Pre-Charlotte Experience

2010-06-19T22:43:00.003-04:00

Hey everybody!!!
I was not planning on writing a post today but I have had a wonderful day and I wanted to share it. By chance I received an email about a book signing/book reading of an author name Skyy Banks that was being held at Real Eyes Bookstore in Charlotte, NC. I decided to attend because I wanted to try something different. I love reading, I love books, I love to support people so I decided it was a good match. I was the first person there so I had an opportunity to to talk to the author and the bookstore owner before everyone else came. She informed me she was originally from Arkansas but have been in Atlanta the past 9 years or so. So another young lady came and she just moved here from Charlotte. Then lastly, two other women came. We sat and got to know each other. Of course if you get a group of women together (especially black women) we're going to talk about relationships. So we did and the book store owner jumped it. It was a very good conversation.

So we journey next door Boudreaux's Louisiana Kitchen. It was another niche type business. I loved it and I will probably go back again (probably when I am hanging out at the bookstore and need to get my belly fully :-) I had Fish and Grits, OMG, that thing was so good!!! Yall just don't know. So as we sat there we read different passages from the book. I can not wait to get started reading it. It seems really intense and thought provoking. But I had a wonderful day!! I enjoyed getting to know these beautiful women. I look forward to hanging out with them again and I especially look forward to MY NEW LIFE IN CHARLOTTE!!!!
I have no more school, no other responsibilities than myself so I am going to enjoy this time.

God is Good.
(P.S. Of course when I read the book I will write a review.)

Check out
Skyy Bank's website @ http://www.skyybanks.com/

RealEyes Bookstore @ http://www.realeyesbookstore.com

Booker T. Washington

2010-06-18T15:00:00.000-04:00

Associate yourself with people of good quality, for it is better to be alone than in bad company.

I want to thank....and other stuff

2010-06-17T14:00:00.000-04:00

First and foremost I want to thank everybody who reads my blog, I did not realized you were actually reading it. I just assumed I was talking and no one was listening. Thank you guys so much. It really means a lot that you take time out your busy days to read my blog. Even if it is only once a week and you read one post, it still means everything to me. I am trying to do somethings and really follow my passion because dreams do come true. By reading my blog you guys are helping me come closer to achieving my dreams and fulfilling my passion and my purpose.

I have to give much love to Vogue because I am seeing how her dreams are coming true. From seeing her dreams come true it encouraged and inspired me to follow my dreams again. Years ago I gave up on my passions and my dreams because I did not think it was feasible. I did not know anyone personally who have achieved their dreams. Everybody I knew was struggling and just trying to make it. So when I met her and she was like she wrote a book and the book was being published I was like "HUH." I am an avid reader but I guess I did not realize that all authors were regular people just like you and I. I guess I assumed over night they became famous- best sellers etc. So for me to meet someone just like me and she say "Hey, my book is coming out June 1st." That entire concept blew my mind. I was just like "Whoa, wow, ok.... "

But I think, well I know things happen for a reason. Even though we attended the same college, have the same major and worked together for almost 2 years- we just met a month ago. But seeing her dreams come true - challenge me to accomplish mine. As I mentioned above, I gave up on my dreams because I did not feel they were feasible, they weren't realistic. So I bust my behind all these years in college and graduate school trying to achieve the "American Dream" but I realized the "American Dream" wasn't my dream.

So when people read these next few words I am about to type I know they are going to think I am crazy. I promise you I am not it is just time to be Stacy Australia instead of being who everyone else expected me to be. As you all know I just recently graduated with my Masters in Social Work. It was a long hard 3 years but I finally made it through with the grace of God. Tuesday, June 15 was the last day at my internship so yesterday (June 16) was the first day in a long time that I had absolutely no responsibilities, no where to go, nothing to do and I enjoyed that day to the fullest. But back to the first sentence of this paragraph, everybody asks "How is the job hunt going?" sad to say (well I am not sad) I am honestly not looking for that "professional job" now. I had the professional job-been there done that. I am going to FINALLY take time out to do me. There has been so many things I wanted to do or experience but I never had time, I was always working, school work, internship, etc. Now I am blessed to have this free time. Now, don't get me wrong initially I was on the hunt for a job. I was that typical graduate "I need a job, I need a job, OMG I don't have a job". I applied to over 40 jobs between the areas I was interested in living in. I had no follow up so I began to look at that as a sign from God.

I don't want to die tomorrow and have never fulfilled my purpose or my dreams- especially when I know what they are.

I have a job now, it may not be the best job, and I may not get paid what I am worth but I am content. It allows me the flexibility I need to make my dreams a reality. So for the next 6 months (at least) I am going to spend time getting to do the things I wanted to do. I have time to do EVERYTHING!!!! I have no papers to write, I have no classes to attend, I have nothing to do!!! Even if I do have a class to attend or something to write- it is something I WANT TO DO, NOT SOMETHING I HAVE TO DO. So I am going to finally learn how to play the guitar, learn how to box, learn how to ride a horse- these are things I always wanted to learn but never had the time. I will also spend this time working on my dream, establishing my brand, and really getting out and meeting people. Since I am moving I am also going to spend this time exploring and learning my new city. It is so different visiting a place and actually living there. I could have drove to Charlotte everyday for a week (which I have done several times) but it is different actually living there. I am so excited about my new life and all the things God has in store for me.

So when you see me, I may or may not be the Stacy Australia you know. I may be further in the zone that I am normally (yall know I have "blonde moments"- no offense). I am going to always have my pen, notebook, Ipod, and a book (well that hasn't changed anything). Okay never mind, just scratched this last paragraph. I am still me, I just may do things a little differently than you're used to, a little unorthodox.

Introduction to my Bohemian life.....

Maya Angelou

2010-06-17T12:00:00.000-04:00

Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it.

Throwback Thursday!!

2010-06-17T00:00:00.003-04:00

Interview with Ivan and Kimberly West

2010-06-15T08:00:00.001-04:00

How did you meet each other?

We met the first day of school in 1997 during lunch time. One of my old friends introduced me to him as her boyfriend.

How long have you been together?

We started dating on Oct. 31, 1997 until about 2 weeks before school ended in 1998. We began dating again on May 17, 2001. We dated for 3 years, engaged for 2, and married for 4= 9 years.

Would you consider each other high school sweethearts? NO

What attracted you to each other?

Kim: When we went to prom (we weren’t dating yet), Ivan totally surprised me. I thought it was going to be a very boring evening. He treated me like a “true gentlemen” would. He opened ALL doors; he put me first in everything.

Ivan: “its hard to say. Nothing attracted me to you. I didn’t think you were funny, attractive, or anything. I knew that I was meant to be with you.” – Ivan’s exact words.

When did you know you wanted to spend the rest of your life with each other?

Ivan: “From the point that I met you… these are honest answers to these questions. I don’t want you to think that I am lying.” – Ivan’s words

Describe the proposal?

Ivan: “the proposal was quick and not really well thought out. I was kinda in a rush to propose because I thought that if I didn’t you were going to rush off to Alabama or somewhere. Which was kinda dumb of me because you failed your class, so you weren’t going no where.”

Kim: Mother’s Day May 9, 2004- I was in summer school at Winthrop University. I came home for mother’s day and Ivan had planned on coming back to Rock Hill with me for a few days to celebrate our anniversary. On the way back to rock hill, I could just tell that he was nervous. I was thinking it was because he would be staying in my apartment. We got to my apartment and were about to exchange gifts. When it was his turn, I was sitting on the bed and he told me to close my eyes, but of course he thought I was peeking so I decided to take my glasses off. He started talking about how he couldn’t imagine me moving away (I had been talking about moving to GA to finish school) and leaving him behind. When I heard his voice trembling, I opened my eyes and he was on one knee and asked me to marry him. Without my glasses I couldn’t see anything so I scrambled for my glasses and of course said yes!

What is the biggest challenge as a young married couple?

Ivan: There’s a lot of challenges, keeping egos in check, managing money, delegating responsibilities.

How do you keep your love strong and new?

Ivan: We’re working on that!

What has been the biggest influence in your marriage?

Ivan: “I look at other ppls marriages and I see how we don’t want to be.”

Kim: 1. God: one thing that I love about Ivan is his belief in God. We pray together, we have bible study together, we worship together. Ivan would be the first person to tell me “Let’s pray about it.” And we'll break into prayer.

2. Other relationships: we see other couple’s relationships (good and bad) and say to each other, no we don’t want to go in that direction so we need to work on this.. or I like that about this couple. We know that most relationships now end in divorce and to us that is not an option.

3. Family: this is very important to us. Not only outside family, but we want to maintain what we have started. We don’t want our children to grow up without a 2 parent household so we do what is needed to maintain that.

How has having a child change your marriage?

Kim: With a child my focus is on Tyler instead of Ivan majority of the time.

Ivan: Before Tyler, I cant remember anything about our marriage until you piss me off. Its two fold. When we don’t have Tyler, we enjoy each other more and when we do have tyler we enjoy that time with him.

What advice do you have for young couples?

Kim: If you are thinking about getting married, before anything go to marriage counseling. If you have problems that you cannot deal with before you get married, you won't be able to deal with them after you get married.

Ivan: get married when your 30… Erase that. Know who you are before you get married because its hard to discover yourself and your role in the marriage. If your role in the marriage compromises you as a person its not going to work.

Anything else you want to say.

Ivan: I just want to say Stacy is a fool for using us as a case study. We are totally dysfunctional but we not the hottest ticket in town. Side note:

Two-fer Tuesdays

2010-06-15T00:00:00.000-04:00

Diamonds in the Rough by Vogue

2010-06-13T23:24:00.013-04:00

Disclaimer: I am not a professional book reviewer (if that even exists). I am an avid reader and I love books of all kinds, flavors, taste, so on and so on. I will be honest about how I felt about the book wheter I know the person or not. I am just going to keep it real. So I hope you guys enjoy my book reviews as much as I did or did not enjoy the book.

It is going to be really hard to write a review of this book without giving away the story but I am going to try my best. First and foremost I want to give much love, respect, and admiration to Vogue for stretching her imagination and writing this wonderful book. It has been awhile since I have read a "street" or an "urban" lit but Diamonds in the Rough was a nice welcome back.

The book is about a middle class young black woman named Carmen. She basically has it all caring parents, money to blow, good friends, etc. But somehow Carmen gets caught up with Jay. They have a rocky romance blah blah blah.

Ok so the book was really good people. Vogue did a very good job pulling me in and seeing how Carmen transition from a "good girl" to a "bad girl" and when I say "bad girl" I mean "BAD GIRL." Carmen did some things I was not expecting that really made me think "Damn, is this the same girl?" Understand her transition did not happen over night, things occured in her life that caused her behavior to change. Of course everything happened after she met Jay
Santiago. I had mixed feelings for him, some chapters I wanted him for myself other chapters I was like "Ummmm..... ok"

I LOVED THE CHARACTERS IN THE BOOK!!!! They were really believable and I constantly thought "Whoa, damn... are you serious?" I did not like Carmen at the beginning of the book but I start to love her as she transition into this "bad girl". She was almost like a femme fatale at one point, "The Baddest Bitch". At the beginning of the book, I felt she made several dumb ass choices and a lot of the drama could have been prevented. I saw SOME of myself in Carmen at the beginning ( once again, I emphasized at the beginning) as it relate to the dumb choices she made when it came to men. A lot of the things she did was just stupid. I wanted to slap her a few times. I wanted to stop reading at one point because Carmen kept pissing me off (sorry Vogue)

It was not much I did not like but it was some parts I was like "Ummmmm, ok." I felt Carmen made some of the dumbest choices within the first few chapters. I feel a lot of that could have been eliminated. It added to the overall story line but I felt it was stretch out longer than what it should have been. I felt this one particular topic was beating a dead horse (do not want to specify the topic but it has to do with a "bang, bang, shoot em up" situation). Even though I felt this one situation/incident was stretched out longer than it should have been it did contribute to the demise of Carmen's wholesomeness. As I sit here typing, I remembered how some of the stuff at the beginning definitely affected some of the deaths towards the end (yes, I said death- keep in mind it is "street lit", there is a lot of "bang bang shoot em up")

It was a long book and maybe it could have been 2 separate books. Either way it flowed, the characters were well developed. I fell in love with 2 and others I hated. I am an avid reader and I am normally able to predict what will happen but I can honestly say- I had no clue what was going to happen next. It kept me on my toes. I think I may have correctly guessed 2 things but out of all the twists and turns those 2 guesses were nothing. I did not want to put the book down because I wanted to know more, I wanted to go to the house, go to Bahamas, go to Texas (you'll understand when you read the book). It was really juicy. I thought I could figure it out but I could not. Vogue had me good. Everything you may expect you can go ahead and throw it out the window because YOU ARE WRONG!.

I promise you if you buy this book you will not be disappointed. If you like love, drama, drugs or guns you need to get this book. It took me there and brought me back. I was rooting for the gangstas when I should have been thinking "take his ass to jail" or "yep, his ass need to die". I was booing the "good guys (or say I girl)" when she was just trying to survive.

Diamonds in the Rough really took me out of my element. What a great way to start the summer. Can't wait to read book 2 Diamonds are Forever...

Thanks Vogue!!!

Soulful Sunday

2010-06-13T00:01:00.003-04:00

It is hard to find a lot of gospel videos so sometimes I have to deal with the made for Youtube videos...

Why I went natural... my journey

2010-06-11T13:00:00.000-04:00

I decided to do a post about my natural hair. Maybe I should have did it on my "Nappiversary" (May 16, the day I did my "BC- Big Chop") but I did not think about it. My hair has become a part of who I am. I do not think about my hair unless someone asks me questions. Overall the past few weeks I have had several people compliment my hair, or ask "How you get it like that?", or asked my advice about "being natural" or "transitioning". I give my thoughts, opinions, and views but it is really a personal journey. A conversation I had with my homie Z inspired me to write about my natural hair journey. Now that I think about it I never wrote about it, I just did it. I do not have any journals or writings or anything about my hair. So I decided to share this story with yall...

Initially, I wanted to go natural in 2003/2004. I was a junior in college. I was tired of getting relaxers. I hated the way it smelled. I hated how it burned my scalp. I hated how much time I spent in the hair salon. Back at this time I was still going home to Columbia to get my hair done. My stylist did my hair from the time I was in my early teens until after I graduated college. She probably would have continued during my hair but that is another blog (she gave me a hair cut, when I asked her to cut it in layers-after that I stopped going because I was MAD).

Anyways, I no longer wanted to deal with the relaxer. Plus I was a broke college student without a car so I really did not have many options. I went without a relaxer for approximately 6 months. I did not know what to do with my hair so I looked crazy as hell. When I went home for the summer, I RAN to the hair salon. I had another "hit" of the "creamy crack" and I was good. I never thought about going natural again until I was a broke grad student. In between the time I graduated undergraduate and started graduate (approximately 2 years). I changed stylists and began getting my hair done in Charlotte. My friend C, had very pretty hair so I started going to her stylist. R had magical hands!!! First she fixed the "layered" cut my Columbia stylist did. Then over time I would get colored and highlights. I had long hair-shoulder length hair. I was proud of it because like most black girls I had issues with my hair growing up. I never looked like the girls on the TV, with the long flowing wavy hair. So when I finally did have long hair, I thought I was the "ish." At this time, I was a young professional working in Charlotte it was all good. BAM!!! I got fired! I was already in grad school, just renewed my lease- so it was to late to move back home to Columbia (also where my school was located -GO GAMECOCKS!!!) I officially became that broke grad student.

My last relaxer was in October 2007. The required amount of time (plus more) went by and I had no money for a touch up so I decided to get a weave. The weave I had was a wet and wavy wave (the picture to the side). I loved it!!! I rocked it for about 2 months then I thought "Hey I can make my own hair do this". That is when I decided to go natural. I read articles, books, anything about natural hair. I did major research. I watched EVERY YouTube video about natural hair. I never consulted with my stylist about going natural because 1) I did not have the money for a touch up to even go see her 2) I did not want anyone to try and persuade me. I found someone in Rock Hill to do the weave. When I took the weave out I wore my relaxed/new growth hair for a week (the picture below). I did not like the different textures so I had two choices, get a relaxer or chop it off, and I decided to chop it off. I thought I would have cried but I did not. I felt happy and free. It is now 2 years later, and I am still happy and free.

Going natural is a process, it is a journey. It is more than just "being nappy" or "cutting off my hair". It is an internal journey because you are changing the way you look at beauty. I look at it as if you are naked to the world, especially if you decide to do the "Big Chop" Most people do not just wake up and say "I am going to be natural" It is a long internal journey. From talking to Z, she brought up the comment about men and what they may think. I felt the same way. I did not think men would find me attractive if I had short hair or "nappy" hair. I was feeding into society's concept of what beauty is. I was not thin but I was a "long-hair thick red bone" (shout out to.... damn forgot the name). So when I was considering cutting my hair and when I initially did it, I was nervous. I did not think men would find me attractive but they did. I received so many compliments. I also had various types of men approaching me. I was surprised at how much love I received from them. Everybody wanted to touch it, feel it, or just run their fingers through it. I felt like I got more attention then than before.

So I tried to tell Z, it is like India Arie said "I am not my hair, I am not your expectations..." It is about the confidence you exude!!!! I rocked my TWA (teeny weeny afro) to the fullest. I wore BIG earrings, always wore eye shadow. You have to find ways to emphasize your girliness when you have a TWA. I had the flowers, the headbands and everything. Now I have a lot of hair and it is long and thick. I still get the compliments from both males and females; blacks, whites, and Chinese (shout out to C). It is not about your hair, it is about who you are. If you are an overall good person that is all that matters. If someone judge you or dislike you because of your hair tell them to "Kiss Rocks". They are not good enough to be your friend anyway.

Also, keep in mind everybody hair is different. What may works for me may not work for you and vice versa. You might can rock that style but I can not. Being natural is all about learning yourself and learning what works for you. When you make that decision to go natural you are not only changing your hair but changing your life. You really change how you think and how you view certain things. I know it sounds crazy but it does. Your mind is open to various things because it takes a very strong person to make the decision to go natural.

It is a journey but it is worth it.

(All of these are old pictures, I just realized I do not have any current pictures of my natural hair but my profile picture which is the first time I gotten it straighten)

Sneak Peak

2010-06-10T17:20:00.004-04:00

Everybody who knows me know I love helping people especially when they are trying to do something positive. Well below is a blurb about a new author I know who goes by the name of Vogue. Please check her out. I am reading her first book Diamonds in the Rough and it is good. It really catches my attention and is unpredictable. A few times when I just knew what was going to happen next something else happened. I do not want to talk to much about the book because I plan on doing a book review when I finish as well as an interview with the author. I just wanted to put some information about her on my blog so I can get her name out there and help her the best I can.

You can check out her website www.simplyvogue.net. You can buy the book on Amazon or www.passionatewriterpublishing.com

Introducing... Vogue

2010-06-10T17:05:00.003-04:00

Bio:
Vogue is a 2007 graduate of Winthrop University, possessing a Bachelor’s degree in Social Work. Diamonds in the Rough is her first published novel, which was released on June 1, 2010.

She was named by Angelique The Novelist as June Author of the Month.

She currently resides in Rock Hill, SC.

I see a woman who is just like the stars outside. She is shining as bright as she can with hope that someone sees her except this woman is far better than them. She’s a diamond.”

Carmen Davenport is living the American dream. Born with a silver spoon in her mouth, she has anything that a twenty-one year old college student would want: supportive parents, a set of fly friends, and an inheritance to one of the most lucrative clothing companies in New York: Flame, Inc. The only thing missing is love, but that doesn’t seem to faze her until she lays eyes on Jay Santiago, a Puerto Rican drug lord who is destined to make Carmen his at any cost. Instantly, Carmen begins to fall for him despite his reign as the head of a multi-million dollar drug cartel.

After securing the rights to her inheritance, Carmen soon learns that Flame, Inc. is headed towards a downward spiral. Too ambitious to allow her dream to go down the drain, Carmen begins pulling at all lifelines to save her company. Putting aside everything she’s ever believed in, Carmen soon finds herself entangled in a web of lies, betrayal, and crime. However, Carmen knows that in order to achieve her goal, she must remain focused no matter how dangerous the road to success may get.

Diamonds In the Rough is the first of ten books known communally as “The Diamond Collection.”